The number one thing stopping people from reading your article is its title. If they don’t open the wrapper, all the effort you put into the gift is lost.
The number two thing is your introduction. In the cruel obstacle course of “hurdles to jump over so people will read my writing,” the introduction is one of the most neglected, most easily dismissed elements.
In turn, a lot of articles are dismissed by readers, leaving authors scratching their heads, wondering what they did wrong. “My title scored 78 in the analyzer! I picked a relevant image! Why aren’t people reading?!”
They’re not reading because you wasted their time. You just waited to do it in the intro, and it made them even angrier than a bad title. Now, they clicked on it for nothing. They unwrapped the gift, and it sucked.
It’s easy to let clutter sneak into your introductions. It happens to all writers, and we don’t always catch it before it’s too late.
Most of the time, bad introductions are the result of laziness rather than lack of skill or imagination. The mistake would have been easy to spot, if only we’d made the time to look for it. We chose to ignore it. We were in a hurry. So we tossed our bird out the window, hoping it could fly with a broken wing.
Sometimes, a miracle happens. But if we don’t want to spend our lives scraping dead birds off the street, we better learn to respect our readers’ time.
Below are four instructive examples of how to not start an introduction.
These before-and-afters show how we try to fight clutter at Better Marketing. All authors agreed to be listed as examples in advance. We’re grateful they write for us, and we hope this study will serve them and others well.
Let’s do away with bad introductions.
1. The “Everything This Is Not”
In How I Used TikTok Data to Develop an Article Idea, Jon Torrey shares a great case study of how he quickly tested ideas on TikTok and then turned his most popular video into what would become his most popular article.
Originally, the piece included a long lead-up where Jon gave a lot of his backstory on writing, including which topics he usually covers — none of which had any relation to the lesson he was about to teach.
All we had to do was cut it, and voilà, we can get into the story right away.
Before
About 1 month ago, I decided I would start writing articles on Medium. I've been busy creating lots of content on other platforms and figured I'd give it a shot. A week later, my first article was accepted by the Better Marketing publication! I was hooked and wanted to write more. I dove headfirst into the plethora of articles about the top Medium publications, how to get published, how to increase readership, improve formatting, etc. This article is not that. This article is a creative approach to help you identify topics that will resonate with a large audience. --- This past October, I created my first TikTok video. It wasn't fancy and only ended up with about 300 views, but as an advertising product manager, I have to stay current with budding social channels. As time went on, I continued to improve my understanding of the platform and what made content popular. By my seventh video, I posted something that got real traction. It was a quick clip of me showing items that I purchased at a garage sale and later sold on Mercari. It currently has 149,800 views.
After
This past October, I created my first TikTok video. It wasn't fancy and only ended up with about 300 views, but as an advertising product manager, I have to stay current with budding social channels. As time went on, I continued to improve my understanding of the platform and what made content popular. By my seventh video, I posted something that got real traction. It was a quick clip of me showing items that I purchased at a garage sale and later sold on Mercari. It currently has 149,800 views.
2. The “Random Roads That Led Me Here”
In How to Use the “Door-in-the-Face” Technique to Sell More, Ramsay Lewis explains the brilliant technique of making a big, likely-to-be-rejected ask in order to make a small one feel more reasonable.
In his original introduction, Ramsay also explained where he’d gotten the idea, how he wrote about the same thing in another context, why he wrote that article, and how it eventually dawned on him that this concept could be useful for marketers — none of which is useful for marketers.
Once again, we cut the preface and jumped right into the concept itself.
Before
I recently wrote a story about how to use the “door-in-the-face” technique to get your child to do their homework while you’re on your work Zoom call. The idea came from a conversation with my friend who was struggling to work remotely at the same time that she is supposed to be homeschooling her children. It was mostly a joke; the idea is that you’d use psychology to manipulate your kids to do something quietly for an hour while you are in a work meeting. But then it occurred to me that it actually could be quite useful for marketers and anyone involved in a negotiation. So in this article, I wanted to show you how the “door-in-the-face” technique could be useful to marketers and salespeople. What is the “door-in-the-face” technique? It’s named for a technique that door-to-door salespeople would use. The idea is that you offer a customer something that you know that they will not accept and then they slam the “door in your face”. So then you offer them something else, perhaps a lower price or better deal. The technique makes them more likely to accept the second thing than they would be if you had asked for it right from the start. Confusing? Let me give you an example.
After
The “door-in-the-face” technique comes from, you guessed it, door-to-door salespeople. The idea is that you offer a customer something that you know that they will not accept and then they slam “the door in your face”. Then, you offer them something else, perhaps a lower price or better deal. The technique makes them more likely to accept the second thing than if you had asked for it right from the start. Let me give you an example.
3. The Excessive Disclaimer
In Medium vs. Upwork: Which Platform Is Best for Writers?, Negin Safdari published a well-crafted comparison of two platforms where writers can earn money. She shares her extensive personal experience backed with statistical data and draws insightful conclusions.
Initially, Negin added a huge disclaimer to the intro of her story, full of ifs, thens, and assumptions — all of which were baked into the title of her story or the story itself. There’s no need to discredit yourself before you even begin.
Say what you want to say, and mean it. Your readers will do the rest.
Before
Hello, there. If you’re reading this, I’m making the assumption that you are either: (1) A writer on Medium, (2) A freelancer on Upwork, (3) Doing both, or (4) Neither a freelancer or a writer, but curious about if you should try. I hope you find this deep-dive comparison honest and helpful, and I hope you try both. My Upwork client told me I write fluffy intros (he was right), so let’s dive in. I’ll explain my journey with Medium, and why I chose to start freelancing, too. I’ll list the pros and cons of each: Medium first for context, Upwork second. No hard feelings is you skip down to Upwork, I won’t be (too) offended. And no, Upwork doesn’t have a partner program so I’m not paid for this post. Although it’d be cool if they did. Medium I started writing on Medium with no know-how in January 2020. I committed: I woke up every day at 6 am before work, made an excessively large coffee, and wrote until 7:30 am. Sometimes I'd write after work, and I'd always make time on the weekends. Since January 3rd, I've missed waking up early to write once.
After
I started writing on Medium with no know-how in January 2020. I committed: I woke up every day at 6 a.m. before work, made an excessively large coffee, and wrote until 7:30 a.m. Sometimes I’d write after work, and I’d always make time on the weekends. Since January 3rd, I’ve missed waking up early to write once.
4. The Not-So-Brief History of Everything
In The 2 Possible Futures of Marketing After Coronavirus, Nabil Alouani outlines two scenarios: We can forget this crisis ever happened, or we can remember and change. The dichotomy is compelling, and the case he makes for the latter is sound.
What endangered Nabil’s article was an introduction that mixed the above three tendencies. Besides a long explanation of his story and where the idea came from, Nabil also dove into the history of consumerism — part of which made sense, part of which felt like a disclaimer saying, “I hope this will make what I’ll say next more interesting.”
We cut the preamble and moved the great, relatable examples to the beginning of the article.
Before
An hour before I've decided to write this article, I read a thrilling post by Julio Vincent Gambuto. In it, Gambuto brilliantly explains that companies and even governments will do everything they can to return us all to our busy and consumption-based lifestyles. He argues that during this time of social distancing we have a unique opportunity to rethink our consumption behaviors. I'm a psychology guy, I like to study behavior. The close relationship between marketing and our behaviors has always interested me. So I couldn't help but reflect on the possible marketing strategies that might emerge from the current situation. Before diving into the approaches I imagined, let's go through a quick reminder about the evolution of marketing. --- For the last century, the world economy has been based on solving consumer problems with products. When the industry boomed, these products outnumbered consumer needs. The logical solution for restoring this new imbalance was to create new "needs" as well as the products necessary for fulfilling them. Economists understood that once fed and sheltered, human needs become primarily emotional. With this concept in mind, a new range of products and marketing started to emerge. The labels began to tap into our emotions, self-image, and how we want to be seen. We buy Apple because we "Think Different", our Nike sneakers remind us that we're "Doers", and we buy Rolex to prove to ourselves and the rest of the world that we've achieved financial success. Marketing has become all about the "message." The way things are looking, I believe that there are two main messages that the Coronavirus crisis brings to the forefront: -"Forget the crisis and get back to normal." -"Remember what happened, and revisit your consumption behavior."
After
We buy Apple because we “Think Different.” Our Nike sneakers remind us that we’re Doers, and we buy Rolex to prove to ourselves and the rest of the world that we’ve achieved financial success. For the last century, the world economy has been based on solving consumer problems with products. Eventually, the products outnumbered the needs, and we created new, sometimes artificial ones — to then supply the products necessary for fulfilling them. Economists understood that once fed and sheltered, human needs become primarily emotional. A new range of products and marketing started to emerge. The labels began to tap into our emotions, self-image, and how we want to be seen. Marketing has become all about the message. The way things are looking, I believe that there are two main messages that the coronavirus crisis brings to the forefront: -“Forget the crisis and get back to normal.” -“Remember what happened, and revisit your consumption behavior.”
All You Need To Know
The harsh truth of writing is this: We don’t care about your life’s story. We care about how you can help us.
If part of your life’s story happens to aid in that goal, by all means, include it. If not, then don’t. Unless you’re already famous, we could care less about what got you here. Show us you deserve our precious time by respecting it.
So why do we write bad intros to begin with? Are we really just lazy? Sometimes. Most of the time, however, we are afraid.
Writing is a way of speaking up when no one asked us to — naturally, we’re scared of doing it. We might be criticized, cast out, or shunned for our opinions, and so we over-contextualize our stories.
Few people are lazy on purpose, especially in creative endeavors. As writers, we so boldly and carefully put our fragile thoughts on the page — why ruin them over a lack of last-minute adjustments? No, this isn’t carelessness — it’s excessive caution that ends up looking like a lazy attitude towards editing.
Adding lengthy disclaimers, boring statistics, and too much context are ways of covering our ass. “Please, dear reader, tread lightly. Ease into the story. Have some background on me. Have some mercy.”
Unfortunately, this ass-covering is often the exact reason why we land on our bottoms in the first place. Readers don’t need it, and they don’t have time to “ease into the story.” They want the best of us, and they want it right away.
It takes time to build an innate understanding of how much context readers want. In our conversation about intros, Ramsay pointed to Blink by Malcolm Gladwell: The expert can tell in seconds what an outsider might not understand at all. The hard part is developing this well-seasoned gut, which must be painstakingly acquired over years, one article at a time.
You must ask again and again: Where and how should this story begin?
In a way, bad introductions are forms of saying, “I knew it.” They let us take comfort in our failure after the reader has closed our article and decided it wasn’t any good. We could have said something bold. We could have make a big entrance and launched right into the story — but we didn’t because we were too afraid, and so it’s only fair no one chose to listen. It’s self-sabotage.
Give us the story. Give it to us straight. Respect us enough to not waste our time and respect yourself enough to show real vulnerability in your writing.
We might still shoo you out the door, but we won’t be angry, and we definitely won’t slam the door in your face. Over time, more of us will recognize your effort and commend you for it.
Until, one day, you’ll write introductions that glue us to our screens.