This week, I’ve had three different people rip my writing to shreds. One essentially called a piece I’d spent hundreds of hours on, “meh.” Another said the premise of an article was “stupid.” And the last one wasn’t satisfied with belittling my writing, so he also questioned my integrity and my character for good measure.
Harsh criticism always stings, but when you’ve done your very best? Double-ouch! And for all the emotional endurance it takes just to swallow a critic’s words, that’s not even the hardest part. As a writer, leader, or artist of any kind, your true test is this: What happens after the emotion?
The challenge is not to handle your anger or frustration. You’ll do that anyway. You might do it gracefully or you might do it poorly—but even though it will affect your relationships, in the long run, the feeling is but a blip on your inner radar. What matters is whether you’re able to extract what’s helpful despite your emotions.
When all you want to do is tell someone off, can you still see the good parts in their argument? Can you reflect and take notes? Can you separate what might be their emotions from what’s actually useful feedback?
With enough experience, dismissing criticism is easy. You can let it bounce off your hardened skin without too much thought—and sometimes, for your own wellbeing, you’ll have to do just that. But when you can see past the emotional affronts and look for the next signpost towards better, that’s true maturity.
Stay around after the emotion, and you might find your harshest critics also turn out to be some of your most helpful supporters.