Asked why he went back to drinking coffee after living without it for 30 days and seeing many benefits, Tim Ferriss said: “I use coffee as a security blanket when my life gets hit with something unpredictable or things seem a little out of control. So even though I realize, intellectually, that it’s counterproductive […], my response to feeling a little anxious is to want coffee—even though it increases anxiety physiologically.”
I, too, use coffee in much the same way. I don’t need the caffeine kick by any means. My mind is too active as it is. But I love the taste and the feeling of holding a warm cup in my hand. It makes me feel that I can deal with whatever daggers might be flying my way. The irony, of course, is that coffee in almost any quantity also makes me jittery and less focused. It seldom enhances my productivity. Between fidgeting and now worrying about fidgeting so much, I basically stay nervous—the source of my shakiness has changed but not its presence.
I wonder how many people drink coffee mainly for the same reason. For how many it’s “a life raft of consistency,” as Tim calls it. I can imagine the number being in the billions. That’s what we do, isn’t it? We make blankets to cover our anxiety only to realize we’ve knitted a comforter made of anxiety of a slightly different color. No wonder it rarely works.
I don’t know if and when I’ll quit coffee for the last time. I’ve done it for seven days, 40 days, even 100 days. But always, for some emotional reason, I return. The lesson is a hard one to act on but still one that rings true: If your anxiety blanket is made out of anxiety, it’s only a matter of time before you’re cold again—so maybe what you need isn’t a cover but a new outfit altogether.