Why I Deleted Most of My Social Media Cover

Why I Deleted Most of My Social Media

A few weeks ago, just before Elon bought Twitter and made it look cool, I deleted my Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok accounts. “FITT,” their initials spell, and fitter I feel indeed.

The main idea behind minimalism isn’t to save money or time. It is to save mental energy, which physical items take up, even if they’re sitting quietly in your attic. Somewhere in your subconscious, you know the broken volleyball net is up there. Even if it only makes it to the top of your mind on occasion, you’ll feel a burden being lifted once you chuck it in the trash.

Digital minimalism works the same: You can stop using your social media, but the accounts will still be there. So will all the connections. All the posts you’ve created will still harbor the energy you put into them. The weight of sunk costs will be palpable.

“I wonder what Marcus from my year abroad is doing.” That thought hits different when you can check up on Marcus vs. when you can’t — and the latter is not necessarily a bad thing.

We tend to be kinder to people when we keep them only in our memory. Plus, when you can’t see Marcus’ new house, you won’t feel bad about yourself from the inevitable comparison that follows. When Marcus only visits your attention once a leap year, your natural reaction is to wish him well, then be on your way. For many relationships in our lives, this is the way they’re supposed to go. We’re not wired to maintain distant yet infinite contact with thousands of people.

Manage your social media in a way that prevents them from managing you.

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The Only Thing That’s Toxic Is Calling Things “Toxic” Cover

The Only Thing That’s Toxic Is Calling Things “Toxic”

If you haven’t heard, femininity is toxic. Masculinity is too. So are feminism, individualism, and positivity. Spirituality is toxic, as is your family, and many other things that end on y. Diet culture, the friend zone, even digital design — life is one giant nest of snakes.

Your boyfriend is probably toxic. Or girlfriend. Your friends surely are. And your boss? Definitely. Even your UX manager might be toxic. Didn’t see that coming, did ya? Your coworkers, on the other hand…that’s obvious.

Your habits are toxic, and so is your ego. Throw in your personality for good measure. Don’t get me started on your parenting. That is the worst. How you review code is toxic. So is your interrupting, and literally everything you do in relationships. You’re basically oozing venom! Maybe you should start a chemical business.

In truth, the only thing that’s toxic is calling things toxic left, right, and center — especially when the “things” you talk about are actually human beings. “Toxic” is a terrible word, and, plainly, not an adjective you should ever use to describe anyone.

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You Don’t Need New Friends Cover

You Don’t Need New Friends

A few weeks ago, I messaged an old friend. After some chit chat, she said: “We should catch up some time!” Instead of agreeing with the usual “For sure!” that never leads to anything, this time, I did something different: Right then and there, I hit the call button — and we talked for 20 minutes.

We talked about our careers, about the compromises in our relationships, and about how the pandemic has affected us. We talked about our plans, the memories of our time together, and about how we can’t believe it’s been eight years since we saw each other in person.

It was a deep, fun, and invigorating conversation, and that’s why, unlike many others, I still remember it today. When I reflected on the experience later, I realized: I have hit the stage in life where I don’t need new friends — I need to make sure I don’t lose the friends I have.

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Not Every Problem in Your Relationship Needs To Be Fixed Cover

Not Every Problem in Your Relationship Needs To Be Fixed

One day, while her husband was at work, Jai did the thing many a wife dreads most in her marriage: She crashed both their cars at the same time.

As she pulled the minivan out of the garage, Jai heard the dooming yet familiar crunch we all know from the movies — except this was her life, and yes, the convertible definitely took a hit, as did the van.

Imagine the cartoon episode of a day that follows: Jai paces around the living room. She bites her nails. “What do I tell him?” Jai hides the cars in the garage. She conceals the damage. And then, she plans to do what any good partner eventually learns: Make a bitter truth land softly.

When her husband gets home, Jai butters him up good. She puts on calm music. She asks him about his day. She makes his favorite meal. Eventually, however, the moment of truth arrives: “I hit one car with the other.”

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The 3 Cardinal Virtues of Emotional Maturity Cover

The 3 Cardinal Virtues of Emotional Maturity

What makes a person emotionally strong? We all want to be composed, steadfast adults, but we don’t have a good answer to this question.

We know emotional strength when we see it. We can feel it. Mature people are attractive. They give us hope. We admire them. Merely observing empowered people makes us feel more in control as well. But what led to it? Which traits did they cultivate within to become so visibly powerful without?

Countless attitudes are ascribed to being strong: There’s willpower, patience, and persistence. There’s discipline, persuasiveness, and flexibility. What about honesty? What about detachment? Will those make us strong? It’s easy to get lost in a sea of attributes, none of which ultimately matter.

According to The School of Life, only a few qualities will turn us into the rock others can lean and build upon. Once we’ve clearly identified those in the people we adore, we must be laser-focused on developing them in ourselves.

Here are the three cardinal virtues of emotional maturity.

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The 3 Behaviors of Emotionally Immature People Cover

The 3 Behaviors of Emotionally Immature People

When someone you emotionally depend on lets you down, how do you respond? According to The School of Life, this question is at the heart of what it means to be emotionally mature.

Beyond physical growth, managing their mental states is what separates adults from children — and the most difficult mental states to manage are the ones we’re in when others have hurt our feelings. Failing to handle our emotions in such situations won’t just cost us our peace of mind; in a worst-case scenario, it could mean the loss of a relationship with someone we love.

The School of Life suggests three characteristic behaviors exhibited by those we might call “emotionally immature.” They mark the opposite of a healthy response to a loved one disappointing us. If you learn to recognize them in yourself and others, you can avoid them — and thus cultivate the emotional maturity you need to live a calm, happy, meaningful life.

Here are the three default behaviors of emotionally immature people.

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Whatever Your Biggest Problem Is, You’re Already Working On It Cover

Whatever Your Biggest Problem Is, You’re Already Working On It

In Germany, we have a saying: “A good plan is half the rent.” Similarly, awareness of the problem is half the solution.

If I casually drop “2 + 2 = ?” here, your mind will instantly jump to the number 4. It’s a problem you’ve solved a million times, and yet, your brain can’t resist the satisfaction of filling in the blank once more.

If I made the problem more complicated, your mind might not hand you the solution on a silver platter, but it would latch on to it just the same. That’s because your brain is a problem-solving machine, both figuratively and literally.

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Are You a Reader or a Listener? Cover

Are You a Reader or a Listener?

When Dwight Eisenhower served as supreme commander of the Allied forces during World War II, journalists raved about his press conferences. His responses to questions were always brief, but beautifully polished. He showed total command of his subject matter.

A few years later, however, when Eisenhower became the president of the United States, his interviews with the press became a source of frustration. Reporters said he rambled without direction, never answering their questions. He was criticized as ill-informed and awkward.

It turned out that back when Eisenhower was supreme commander, his aides made sure that questions from the press were submitted to him well before he answered them publicly. That way, he could think through his responses and refine them. When he later moved to an open press conference style, where questions were fired at him off the cuff, he floundered. Eisenhower didn’t know that he was a reader, not a listener.

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A Psychologist’s List of the 6 Most Common Mistakes We Make in Relationships Cover

A Psychologist’s List of the 6 Most Common Mistakes We Make in Relationships

If your wife asked you to give a podcast interview with not just her but also your ex-fiancée, who happens to be a psychologist, how would you respond?

Andy Levine faced this exact question, and even though it sounds like a great way to blow your marriage, he said yes. Andy has been married to Sharleen Joynt, an opera singer and former Bachelor contestant, for five years.

In the 5th episode of their podcast, Dear Shandy, Margie, clinical psychologist — and Andy’s ex-fiancée — makes an appearance. Besides turning a terrifying prospect into an insightful conversation, Margie also shares the most concise list of relationship dos and dont’s I’ve ever come across.

She’s a true “bottomless pit of wisdom,” as Sharleen describes her. Here are the 6 most common mistakes Margie sees us make in dating and love — and how to avoid them so your relationship can thrive.

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The Cardinal Value Behind Lasting Relationships Cover

The Cardinal Value Behind Lasting Relationships

My grandma has been married to my grandpa for over 50 years. One day, I asked her: “How do you do it?”

Grandma said: “You know, there were always times when either one of us could have left. But you gotta ask yourself: What truly better thing could follow?”

My grandma has never read a self-help book in her life. She does not meditate, and when she can’t sleep at night, she doesn’t buy blackout curtains, she drinks a warm beer. And yet, her simple words showed a profound sense of self-awareness.

Imagine your spouse just lost your life savings. After a heated argument, you storm off to think. In the midst of all the anger, you still remember that, even if you left them and found someone else, at the end of the day, we’re all flawed human beings. Each person has their own baggage, and while it may vary in size and color, there’ll always be baggage to carry.

Wow. Now that’s some powerful perspective. At an important crossroads like this, it might make all the difference. Instead of trading one person’s problems for another’s, you may decide to not throw away your marriage. To stick it out and find a solution together.

“That’s commitment!” I thought. My conclusion — besides the long-standing conviction that grandma was amazing — was that commitment was the most important value of lasting relationships. There certainly wasn’t a lack of commitment in my last relationship.

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