Family Archives

The Myth of Constant Growth in Relationships

April 30, 2024April 29, 2024 Nik

In the How I Met Your Mother episode “The Exploding Meatball Sub,” Barney’s crazy sandwich concoction is far from the only thing to go up in flames.

Ted’s new girlfriend Zoey is both intelligent and pretty. Unfortunately, she’s also the head of the campaign trying to keep Ted’s skyscraper from being built in order to preserve an old building.

“Isn’t it hard for you guys to be on opposite sides of something like this?” his friend Lily, who sees eye to eye on almost everything with her husband and college sweetheart Marshall, asks. “Some of us want a partner who challenges us to grow and evolve,” Ted replies. As it will turn out, that’s baloney.

Don’t Forget Your Light Today

April 28, 2021August 9, 2024 Nik

The Drink of Despair is an ingenuity of evil. Parching whoever drinks it until they’re desperate for water, this nasty potion will nearly kill its consumer. Naturally, it must be drunk to be overcome — and dark wizards use it to protect their important belongings.

When it comes to dark wizards, Lord Voldemort is the poster child rather than the exception, and so, in one of the series most tragic moments, Harry Potter must feed his headmaster and mentor, Albus Dumbledore, the nefarious concoction. The pair succeeds in sipping the cup, but their victory is short-lived: What they hoped to acquire is no longer there, and they now find themselves weak and defenseless — surrounded by, of all things, water.

It’s a trap, of course. An army of Inferi — spellbound corpses — is hiding beneath the surface. Inside the dark lake of what on any other day would be a welcome source of refreshment, they’ve been waiting to “welcome” the two intruders all along — and drown them.

Since Dumbledore is too frail to fight and Harry isn’t quite strong enough, the inevitable happens: The boy trips, the Inferi grab, and into the depths he goes. Just as it seems Harry’s number is up, with the last blink of his eyes, he spots a flash of red. It cuts through the darkness above. Warmth fills the water, and a second later, he can no longer feel the Inferis’ grasp.

Harry swims to the surface. When he pokes his head out of the water, he can see but one thing: Fire. Raging, burning, darkness-crushing fire.

A pale Dumbledore stands in a tornado of light. Wielding his wand like a lasso, the all-powerful magician directs the fire from its center, raining wave after wave of scorching inferno upon their opponents. Harry manages to reunite with his savior, and, together, they fend off the attack.

The boy can consider himself lucky: Dumbledore brought his light today — and it made all the difference.

Make Time To Appreciate Your Invisible Gifts

April 27, 2021August 8, 2024 Nik

When I turned 26, my dad quoted Hermann Hesse on my card:

“Stay as you are by changing every day.”

I don’t remember what present I got, but I do remember those words. Even though they technically weren’t his, my dad passing them on meant the world to me. In just eight words, he told me so much.

He told me he’d always love me for who I am, even if I was no longer the little guy building Duplo trains in his office. He acknowledged I was on a different path than he was — professionally, personally, any way whichever — and that was okay. He even encouraged me not to stop, for chasing change is what, ironically, makes us who we are.

They’re all like that, aren’t they? The best gifts are invisible. You can’t wrap them in fancy paper. Can’t send them in the mail.

Not Every Problem in Your Relationship Needs To Be Fixed

April 12, 2021August 8, 2024 Nik

One day, while her husband was at work, Jai did the thing many a wife dreads most in her marriage: She crashed both their cars at the same time.

As she pulled the minivan out of the garage, Jai heard the dooming yet familiar crunch we all know from the movies — except this was her life, and yes, the convertible definitely took a hit, as did the van.

Imagine the cartoon episode of a day that follows: Jai paces around the living room. She bites her nails. “What do I tell him?” Jai hides the cars in the garage. She conceals the damage. And then, she plans to do what any good partner eventually learns: Make a bitter truth land softly.

When her husband gets home, Jai butters him up good. She puts on calm music. She asks him about his day. She makes his favorite meal. Eventually, however, the moment of truth arrives: “I hit one car with the other.”

If You’re Not Valued, You’re in the Wrong Place

March 8, 2021August 10, 2024 Nik

When she graduated high school, the father told his daughter: “I’m proud of you. Soon, you will move out and go your own way. I’d like to give you a going-away present. Follow me.”

The father walked to the garage and pressed a light switch the daughter had never seen before. A single light bulb lit up and revealed: Hidden in the back of the garage, there sat an old car. It was dusty, dirty, and clearly not in good shape.

The father smiled and revealed a set of keys: “I bought this car many years ago. It is old, but now, it’s yours! I only have one request: Take the car to the used car lot and ask how much they’re willing to give you for it. I’d like to know.”

A Psychologist’s List of the 6 Most Common Mistakes We Make in Relationships

October 16, 2020July 31, 2024 Nik

If your wife asked you to give a podcast interview with not just her but also your ex-fiancée, who happens to be a psychologist, how would you respond?

Andy Levine faced this exact question, and even though it sounds like a great way to blow your marriage, he said yes. Andy has been married to Sharleen Joynt, an opera singer and former Bachelor contestant, for five years.

In the 5th episode of their podcast, Dear Shandy, Margie, clinical psychologist — and Andy’s ex-fiancée — makes an appearance. Besides turning a terrifying prospect into an insightful conversation, Margie also shares the most concise list of relationship dos and dont’s I’ve ever come across.

She’s a true “bottomless pit of wisdom,” as Sharleen describes her. Here are the 6 most common mistakes Margie sees us make in dating and love — and how to avoid them so your relationship can thrive.

The Cardinal Value Behind Lasting Relationships

September 30, 2020July 31, 2024 Nik

My grandma has been married to my grandpa for over 50 years. One day, I asked her: “How do you do it?”

Grandma said: “You know, there were always times when either one of us could have left. But you gotta ask yourself: What truly better thing could follow?”

My grandma has never read a self-help book in her life. She does not meditate, and when she can’t sleep at night, she doesn’t buy blackout curtains, she drinks a warm beer. And yet, her simple words showed a profound sense of self-awareness.

Imagine your spouse just lost your life savings. After a heated argument, you storm off to think. In the midst of all the anger, you still remember that, even if you left them and found someone else, at the end of the day, we’re all flawed human beings. Each person has their own baggage, and while it may vary in size and color, there’ll always be baggage to carry.

Wow. Now that’s some powerful perspective. At an important crossroads like this, it might make all the difference. Instead of trading one person’s problems for another’s, you may decide to not throw away your marriage. To stick it out and find a solution together.

“That’s commitment!” I thought. My conclusion — besides the long-standing conviction that grandma was amazing — was that commitment was the most important value of lasting relationships. There certainly wasn’t a lack of commitment in my last relationship.

The 4-Ears Model of Good Communication

July 17, 2020August 10, 2023 Nik

All relationship problems are communication problems.

Tim says: “The window is open.”

Maya says: “I’m not your butler.”

Whoa! How did such a small interaction go so wrong? Tim said just four words, but, immediately, his girlfriend felt offended. Sadly, exchanges like this happen millions of times every single day. I’m sure you’ve had one.

Maybe, Tim just thought out loud as he noticed the window being open. Maybe, he wanted Maya to notice the birds singing outside or tell her that he opened it for a reason. Or, he really did want Maya to close the window.

Unfortunately, Maya responded so fast that she didn’t have time to consider all these options. Her heuristic-driven brain jumped to one conclusion when it should have thought about many.

We all do this. We speak before we think, and we damage our relationships in the process. Today, Maya snubs Tim. Tomorrow, Tim cuts Maya off. And the day after tomorrow, Tim and Maya break up. How sad and unnecessary.

If Tim and Maya had taken some time to talk about how they communicate, they might still be together. This is called meta-communication, and it makes perfect sense: If all relationship problems are communication problems, improving your communication will make most of your problems go away.

No One Is Coming to Save You

June 9, 2020September 25, 2023 Nik

Your parents aren’t coming to save you. They’ve done that often enough. Or maybe never at all. Either way, they’re not coming now. You’re all grown. Maybe not grown up, but grown. They’ve got their own stuff to take care of.

Your best friend isn’t coming to save you. He’ll always love you, but he’s knee deep in the same shit you’re in. Work. Love. Health. Staying sane. You know, the usual. You should check in with him some time. But don’t expect him to save you.

Your boss is not coming to save you. Your boss is trying to cover her ass right now. She’s afraid she might get fired. She’s fighting hard to keep everyone on the team. She’s worried about you, but she has no time to save you.

What Is Unconditional Love?

May 12, 2020August 10, 2024 Nik

Unconditional love is the only true love there is.

But, to be honest, I don’t really know what ‘unconditional’ means. I don’t think many of us do.

We know what’s not unconditional love.

Expecting someone else to fulfill your needs is not unconditional love. Neither is doing them favors if those favors are attached to that same expectation. Even hoping your partner will want all the same things you do isn’t unconditional love. That’s just delusion.

Blind trust is not unconditional love. When you see your girlfriend walking right into a trap, you must call her out on it. False pride isn’t unconditional love. Sometimes, our loved ones screw up. If your boyfriend is on the wrong side of an argument, tell him why and help him see.

But what is unconditional love? Here are some ideas.

Category: Family