As the World Reopens, Don’t Forget To Empty Your Cup Cover

As the World Reopens, Don’t Forget To Empty Your Cup

I. Pagliacci

In the movie Watchmen, the character Rorschach tells the following story:

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am Pagliacci.”

The uncertainty the poor clown feels closing in around himself is a major theme of the movie — an exploration of existential dread and how to live with it. Ozymandias, the main antagonist and smartest man on earth, banks on the world seeking the doctor’s prescribed treatment for his plan to succeed:

“In an era of stress and anxiety, when the present seems unstable and the future unlikely, the natural response is to retreat and withdraw from reality, taking recourse either in fantasies of the future or in modified visions of a half-imagined past.”

Ozymandias uses and reinforces people’s desire to escape by selling them a vast array of consumer products, for example a perfume called Nostalgia, which in turn fund his master plan — and boy, would Ozymandias have loved coronavirus. He’d have thought it to be ripe with opportunity.

What did you do when the crisis first hit? How did you react? Regardless if you buried yourself in work, parenting, hobbies, or distractions, chances are, you buried yourself in something, and thus, your head ended up in the sand. Depending on the crisis, this may — surprisingly — be a healthy thing to do. Six months into the pandemic, however, Tara Haelle explained why you might have suddenly felt tired — your “surge capacity” was depleted:

Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems — mental and physical — that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters. But natural disasters occur over a short period, even if recovery is long. Pandemics are different — the disaster itself stretches out indefinitely.

“How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the “new normal” is indefinite uncertainty?” Haelle asks. The answer is you don’t, at least not just once, and so irrespective of whether you initially rallied around safety measures, home workouts, getting a promotion, assembling IKEA furniture, or watching movies like Watchmen, your rallying never could have lasted.

A response meant for catastrophe won’t do for a new status quo, and so no matter how deep we may bury its tip beneath the surface, that massive iceberg of uncertainty is still there, still hiding underneath, and when it comes out — and it will — it might crush us like an elephant stepping on an ant.

Tell me you haven’t asked yourself any of the following: Will we get a third wave? A fourth one? What about oxygen? What about shortages? When will I get my vaccine? How much protection will it give me? How long will it last? Will it be required? Directly? Indirectly? What will I be able to do with it? How will “doing stuff” work? When will it reopen? The cinema? The swimming pool? The museum? The office? And what will it be like? This, my friend, is the tip of that iceberg, so if you’re anything like me, PCSD — post-corona stress syndrome — has already crept in. The elephant has long been in the room.

Questions, questions, questions without end. Where those about the virus stop, the existential ones merely begin. We are uncertain about our health, uncertain about our jobs, uncertain about our retirement. We have doubts about the school system, the financial system, definitely the political system, and, really, any system of any kind. We no longer trust in people, for those could be infectious. We never fully trusted the machines, for those are prone to our own errors. And do we trust ourselves? However much you used to, don’t tell me there’s not a crack in that armor.

All in all, that’s a lot to process, and you know what? It’s okay to be scared. I know I am. I’m crapping my pants over here. Not literally, but, metaphorically, on some days, I’m all poop emojis. And not the smiling kind.

Of course, what we should have done over the past year is learn to accept uncertainty. It really would have been a good time. To “live in the question,” as poet Rainer Maria Rilke once said, and “have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.” Instead, most of us have become paranoid, seeking reassurance at every turn. We double-stitch every scratch when a band-aid would do, and then we still go up in anger when the backup of our backup plan fails — and, like in Ozymandias’ great master plan, that’s exactly what uncertainty wants to achieve.

Uncertainty wants to make you tired before you’ve even begun. Its goal is to keep you in place, and, for the past year, uncertainty has had a field day with you. Stay! Good dog. Don’t move a muscle! Breathe shallowly, and wait. Wait for what, however? Until you die? Listening to uncertainty is a fool’s errand. If you don’t move, nothing will happen. Without action, no real errands will get done. And yet, that iceberg looms ever larger, its shadow becoming more paralyzing with every sunset.

There’s another character in the Watchmen movie. His name is Dr. Manhattan. Think Silver Surfer meets Superman, a sorta-naked, blue demigod who can teleport, read minds, see his own past and future, travel between dimensions, disintegrate people on thought, and lots of other fun stuff. Dr. Manhattan tells Ozymandias: “The world’s smartest man poses no more threat to me than does its smartest termite.” The great irony is that, at that point in the movie, Ozymandias’ threat has long been fulfilled — and he tricked everyone, including Dr. Manhattan, into helping him accomplish his quest: sacrificing millions of lives in the hopes of preserving billions more.

In what can’t be a coincidence, Ozymandias calls his plan “the greatest practical joke in human history,” and the message it sends is clear: Even the best of the best can’t fully escape uncertainty. We’re all Pagliacci, and so from time to time, inevitably, we’ll all burst into tears.

Read More
Unwind Your Mind Cover

Unwind Your Mind

Your mind has many layers. All day, you keep jumping from one to another.

There’s the work layer, which contains your to-do list, your career goals, and a million process workflows.

There’s the organization layer, which reminds you to do grocery shopping and keep your adult life together.

There’s the social layer, which sends a friend’s joke into your ear mid-lunch and prompts you to call your mom.

Each of these layers breaks down into a million smaller sheets, and you’re Tarzan, trampolining from level to level inside the bouncy castle of your mind. That can be exhausting. When it is, it’s simply time to take a break.

Read More
Acceptance Is Better Than Discipline Cover

Acceptance Is Better Than Discipline

When a fly lands on your nose, your inclination is to swat at it. Shoo! Go away! There are several reasons not to do it.

For one, even though it only takes a second to wave, it might not be much longer before the fly sits in the same spot again. She can play this game for hours! Can you?

This leads to the second reason: You’re not in the business of fly-swatting. Whatever job you actually have in the moment, it’s much more important than squashing a pesky bug — especially one that means you no harm.

The third and final reason is that if your job happens to be driving a vehicle, working at height, or giving an all-important presentation, losing focus could be of lethal consequence — in two cases literally, in one metaphorically.

The fly can be a stand-in for any number of unexpected unpleasantries, but the point remains the same: It pays to stick with what matters, even when the going gets tough.

Read More
Will Smith Medicine or Kevin Hart Therapy? Cover

Will Smith Medicine or Kevin Hart Therapy?

One time, Will Smith and Kevin Hart were on a talk show. The host did an experiment with the audience: Everyone had to write their worst fear on a card, and then Will and Kevin would help some people overcome it.

The first candidate was a woman named Galia. Galia was afraid of feet. “Any feet. My own, my friends’, any. I don’t want to look at them, see them, be touched by them…”

Will goes first. What advice does he have to offer? Will is a man of action, and so, instead of talking, he proceeds to take off his shoe. “This one’s easy. We’ll fix this right now!” he yells. “Galia! Come down here and confront your fear!” The audience bursts out in laughter, but Galia looks terrified.

Luckily, before Will can take off his sock, the host passes the baton to Kevin, who must have used his extra minute of prep time well, because what he tells Galia is one of the most profound pieces of advice I’ve ever heard:

“You can’t take steps in life without feet. Your fear is prohibiting you from progression. The minute you can look at feet and understand they are simply what moves you forward, you will put your fear behind you.”

Galia looks happy, the audience goes crazy, and even Will is impressed. With a keen eye, fellow guest Naomi Scott remarks: “Will’s advice was like medicine, and Kevin’s was like therapy!”

Read More
Are You Free to Abstain? Cover

Are You Free to Abstain?

French scientist Pierre Fouquet was an early researcher of alcoholism. He broke the illness into three categories, two of which describe the circumstances of people we now describe as “alcoholics,” such as drinking in secret with the goal of blacking out.

The third, “alcoholitis,” is “the most common form of alcoholism in France, particularly among men,” Fouquet noted. The subject has a high tolerance and lacks serious psychological complications — they mainly drink beer and wine in social settings, just in too large quantities for it to be healthy.

“We drink to drink with others,” Fouquet said, but “the toxic effects of consumption are still felt.”

Our sneakiest addictions are those we don’t consider to be problems at all. If you drink with coworkers four nights a week and everyone has two beers, that seems like a perfectly normal thing to do.

The question — and this may be Fouquet’s greatest contribution to the world — is:

Do you have the freedom to abstain?

Read More
The Office Isn’t Dead Cover

The Office Isn’t Dead

If home is where I live, the office can be where I work. I’ve never had a problem with this distinction. In fact, I used to quite like it until it disappeared.

If I ask you “How’s the office?” right now, you’ll probably say some version of: “What office? My office is everywhere, as long as it’s in my house.” But what if I slightly alter the question? What if I ask you: “How do you feel about the office?” What’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Maybe, it’s the spicy hot dogs you inappropriately ate at 9 AM in the morning in the canteen of the place you interned at when you were 23. Maybe, it’s that one overbearing boss whose antics made you paranoid about details in a way you can’t quite shake to this day, paranoia you now often wonder about, hating it, yet thinking it may actually, ironically, contribute to your success.

Maybe, it’s the friendly doorman greeting you with a relentless smile each morning as you entered a big skyscraper you knew you’d only leave when it was dark again. Maybe, it’s the pungent smell of your colleague’s desk plant, a plant you wanted to throw into the trash every time you walked by but that now, you still somehow seem to miss.

Whatever they may look like, chances are, your feelings about the office are more complicated than “I’m so glad to be rid of it.” At least mine are.

Read More
The 3 Cardinal Virtues of Emotional Maturity Cover

The 3 Cardinal Virtues of Emotional Maturity

What makes a person emotionally strong? We all want to be composed, steadfast adults, but we don’t have a good answer to this question.

We know emotional strength when we see it. We can feel it. Mature people are attractive. They give us hope. We admire them. Merely observing empowered people makes us feel more in control as well. But what led to it? Which traits did they cultivate within to become so visibly powerful without?

Countless attitudes are ascribed to being strong: There’s willpower, patience, and persistence. There’s discipline, persuasiveness, and flexibility. What about honesty? What about detachment? Will those make us strong? It’s easy to get lost in a sea of attributes, none of which ultimately matter.

According to The School of Life, only a few qualities will turn us into the rock others can lean and build upon. Once we’ve clearly identified those in the people we adore, we must be laser-focused on developing them in ourselves.

Here are the three cardinal virtues of emotional maturity.

Read More
You Can Choose To Not Be Rushed Cover

You Can Choose To Not Be Rushed

Adrenaline used to be for escaping tigers. Today, it’s mostly for fun. Rollercoasters, fast cars, the thrill of our sports team winning at the last second. Those are dosed experiences.

A question I ask myself is: Are we still dosing? Sometimes, I feel like I’m running on adrenaline 24/7. I’m injecting myself, of course. It’s an addiction.

When I wake up and check my portfolio, I start buzzing. I reply to five people on WhatsApp. I think about 17 things I wanna do, and by the time I leave the shower, I’m already behind in my mind. Write a post. Quick! Inhale lunch. Check the phone again. More adrenaline! Emails! Calls! More writing. Fasterrrrrr….aaaargh!

When you work from home, you don’t need adrenaline. When your phone rings and it’s a stranger, you don’t need adrenaline. These are not dangerous situations. But if you’ve already chosen to be frantic, it doesn’t matter, does it? You’ll do everything in a frenzy, even if frenzy is rarely required.

It is not a privilege we’re used to, but it’s one we must learn how to handle: We can choose our stress level. There’s good stress, and there’s bad stress — but you are not obligated to give in to either.

You can choose not to be excited, and you can choose not to be rushed.

Read More
The Rule of 70/20/10: Do Important Work or None at All Cover

The Rule of 70/20/10: Do Important Work or None at All

Ip Man, a Kung Fu movie about the legendary martial arts teacher of the same name, is rated a staggering eight out of 10 on IMDb and considered a cult classic among fans. The movie is almost two hours long, but if you skim through it, you’ll notice something: There’s not a lot of fighting.

Isn’t that what Kung Fu movies are about? Apparently not. You’ll see the master having tea, helping his friends, and struggling with everyday life. You’ll see him muse about politics, about war, and about philosophy. You’ll see Ip Man training and spending time with his family.

Why do people love this movie so much if, as it turns out, there are only three major fight scenes? They love it because each fight means something.

Read More
The 3 Behaviors of Emotionally Immature People Cover

The 3 Behaviors of Emotionally Immature People

When someone you emotionally depend on lets you down, how do you respond? According to The School of Life, this question is at the heart of what it means to be emotionally mature.

Beyond physical growth, managing their mental states is what separates adults from children — and the most difficult mental states to manage are the ones we’re in when others have hurt our feelings. Failing to handle our emotions in such situations won’t just cost us our peace of mind; in a worst-case scenario, it could mean the loss of a relationship with someone we love.

The School of Life suggests three characteristic behaviors exhibited by those we might call “emotionally immature.” They mark the opposite of a healthy response to a loved one disappointing us. If you learn to recognize them in yourself and others, you can avoid them — and thus cultivate the emotional maturity you need to live a calm, happy, meaningful life.

Here are the three default behaviors of emotionally immature people.

Read More