It was a busy day at work, by the end of which I had to catch a train to go see my parents for a few days. After my last meeting ended, I quickly grabbed my things and got ready. My fiancée was also wrapping up work, and there were only ten minutes or so in which we could still chat a bit and catch up on each other’s day.
While I was throwing the last few items into my suitcase, I thought, “I have to tell her about this meeting.” It was a weekly, cross-functional session where, often, different teams yell at each other. Usually, people are simply stressed, and then for whatever reason, this is the meeting where the frustration airs. I’m mostly a bystander in these meetings, and I’m rarely convinced the yelling is necessary, even if the topics are worthy of discussion. This week, there had been multiple escalations.
As I was putting on my shoes with my partner standing next to me in the hallway, however, I thought again: “No. You know what? You don’t have to tell her about this meeting. Nobody will remember it next week. Why not fill the little space that we have with something positive?” I don’t remember everything we chatted about next, but I know it wasn’t work, meetings, or yelling. We laughed, hugged each other, I told her I loved her and would be back soon, and that was it. It was a nice note to leave on, and that was all we needed.
We fill the space in our lives with many things, and, in our longest relationships, there is plenty of room for everything. But whenever you only have a small bubble of time before life moves on, don’t let the usual, meandering stream of consciousness keep blubbering into it as usual. Cut it off for a second. Reflect. Make a conscious decision: What do you want to fill the little hourglass in front of you with? Sand may be the default, but everything else will run through time just as well.
Choose what you’ll share. Make a gesture instead of talking. Offer a piece of cake rather than just water. It’s rarely too late, of course. Chances are, you’ll share more space later. But what if you won’t? You can always amend your words—but you won’t have to if you pick the right ones to begin with.
