A 15-year-old found out his parents worked for the Navy and police instead of being a lawyer and a doctor. He didn’t believe in violence, and it was a shock to him. “I feel dirty, and I can’t look at them the same way anymore without feeling sick. How do I move past this?” he asked.
Here is my answer:
The quickest way to a miserable life is to take responsibility for other peoples’ decisions.
You don’t feel dirty because your parents did what they had to do in line of duty. You feel dirty because you’ve been left out in the cold. Your parents decided not to share their profession with you.
Instead of blaming yourself for their choice, take responsibility for the outcome.
This is the difference between good and bad leadership.
Scenario 1:
James is John’s commanding officer. John shoots a man in self-defense. The press batters James with uncomfortable questions.
James beats himself up. Why did John shoot the man? How can he explain it to the journalists? What could he have done to make John choose differently?
The answer is nothing.
James is not a good commanding officer.
Scenario 2:
James is John’s commanding officer. John shoots a man in self-defense. The press batters James with uncomfortable questions.
James trusts John. So James answers every single one of those questions to his best knowledge and ability. But he stands by John, for he believes in John’s choice.
James knows he can’t control John’s decisions. He takes responsibility for the consequences of those decisions anyway.
James is a good commanding officer.
You’re young. Our future is in your hands. We need you to be a good leader. This is your first test.
Don’t blame yourself for your parents’ decisions. Take responsibility for their outcomes.
They’ve shared an uncomfortable truth with you. This is the new reality you face.
How will you deal with it, officer?
