My mom saw it on Instagram. One of my best friends from high school had gotten married. “What?!” I thought. “How was I not invited?” It was the first and, so far, only time I was shocked to not make someone’s wedding guest list.
The reason it was the only time is that this incident ultimately changed a belief I’d held since I was little: Your wedding is for the people who made the biggest impact on your life. As it turns out, most people don’t see it that way. Or, at least, they don’t invite accordingly.
Of course, when I was younger, I figured all those people would forever be around. That my closest friends would always stay my closest friends. So, naturally, they’d all make the wedding.
In reality, folks grow apart—including me and my friend from back in the day. We still talk, but not as much, and we haven’t seen each other in years. Hence, no wedding invite.
Me? When I realized I wouldn’t always be best friends with some of my best friends, my belief somehow updated in my subconscious: Your wedding is for the people who made the biggest impact on your life—regardless of when it happened. I imagined some kind of great reunion, almost like a walk through an ancestral hall, with all the people who got you to that place—ready to commit to the love of your life—present and remembering their contribution, if only after you remind them of it.
“He was my best friend when I was nine. He showed me what it meant to have fun and friends.” “She was my closest study partner during an extra intense semester at college, and we got each other through the exams with silly jokes and lots of McDonald’s chicken nuggets.” Your personal version of receiving an Oscar, basically.
I still believe this is a wonderful idea. It’s also highly impractical and would likely make for one awkward party. I can see the stiff faces now. “Why am I here again? I haven’t talked to this guy since third grade.”
It really shook me when my mom told me about my friend’s wedding. Alas, life always goes on. I learned that even when planning their weddings, most people do what most people do all the time: whatever they feel like in the moment. They invite whoever they feel connected to right now—and, in its own way, that also makes perfect sense.
This approach respects how you and your life change over time. It celebrates the present. That one moment which you want to stay with you forever—so what better than to make it the ultimate snapshot? Like a photograph, except a thousand times stronger.
“Ahh yes, the wedding crowd,” you can say 20 years later. And then reminisce about who helped you along in what way—and who’s still around. The rest? I’m sure you’ll keep up with them on Instagram. And that’s okay too.
