In his memoir Perfect Village, my friend Tom sums up his sudden and inexplicable divorce in the most graceful way: “No matter what led her to leave, I say, with complete sincerity, ‘You go girl. More power to you.’ Because if I had a daughter and she truly wanted out of her marriage, I would tell her to do it.”
Thankfully, life rarely provides us with an archenemy who also has 23 chromosome pairs, but whether it’s the nightmare of a screaming ex, a mini-boss in the form of an annoying boss, or simply a line-cutter at the coffee shop, take a second, and imagine: What if you were their biggest supporter instead of a seeming obstacle in their way? What would you want for them? What would you tolerate for them? And what reasons could you conceive that might explain their behavior?
Sometimes, when life isn’t going your way, maybe you’ve simply stumbled into a season in which you’re not the main character. The question is will you be a diva on set or graciously join the rest of the cast?
Being the star of our own show is easy. That’s the default. It takes courage and compassion to take up the mantle of supporting actor, especially if you don’t know how long you’ll have to carry it. It is, however, a bar none service, and ultimately, service is freedom — even if, like all parents must do one day for their children, it sometimes means nothing more than getting out of the way.