Not Every Problem in Your Relationship Needs To Be Fixed Cover

Not Every Problem in Your Relationship Needs To Be Fixed

Nik

One day, while her husband was at work, Jai did the thing many a wife dreads most in her marriage: She crashed both their cars at the same time.

As she pulled the minivan out of the garage, Jai heard the dooming yet familiar crunch we all know from the movies — except this was her life, and yes, the convertible definitely took a hit, as did the van.

Imagine the cartoon episode of a day that follows: Jai paces around the living room. She bites her nails. “What do I tell him?” Jai hides the cars in the garage. She conceals the damage. And then, she plans to do what any good partner eventually learns: Make a bitter truth land softly.

When her husband gets home, Jai butters him up good. She puts on calm music. She asks him about his day. She makes his favorite meal. Eventually, however, the moment of truth arrives: “I hit one car with the other.”

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You Don’t Care Enough About Your Book Cover

You Don’t Care Enough About Your Book

Nik

I’m writing a book. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Writing articles is easy. It didn’t use to be, but when you’ve done it 2,000 times, anything becomes frictionless. Articles are low-stakes. If one flops, I’ll just write another. It only takes a day. With a book, well…

If your book tanks, you’ll have wasted a year. You won’t get paid for work you’ve already done. If people hate your book, they won’t hate 1,000 words — they’ll hate 200 pages. That’s a lot of bad karma, and, quite frankly, it scares the hell out of me.

Other people, it seems, aren’t as afraid. Everyone’s writing a book these days. Books are the new business cards. Haven’t you heard? I hate this trend. It leads to shitty books, and we already have too many of those.

If you’re writing a book solely for money or clout, I suggest you reconsider. You’ll make careless mistakes driven by greed and fame-seeking. Chances are, it’ll be exactly one too many, and you’ll get neither gold nor groupies.

If you’re one of those rare specimens who — gasp — write a book for the reader, I’d like to issue a warning, a reminder to myself, really: Right now, you don’t care enough about your book. If you don’t start immediately, your supposed masterpiece will flop like a Michael Bay movie at Cannes, and, worst of all, you’ll deserve it. It’ll be your fault and your fault alone.

Let me show you two examples. The point here is not to ridicule the authors, so I’ll blur their names. My goal is to show you how “small” mistakes add up to a book that looks sloppy overall — and will inevitably fail. Look at the cover and backside of this book. What’s your first impression?

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The 3 Cardinal Virtues of Emotional Maturity Cover

The 3 Cardinal Virtues of Emotional Maturity

Nik

What makes a person emotionally strong? We all want to be composed, steadfast adults, but we don’t have a good answer to this question.

We know emotional strength when we see it. We can feel it. Mature people are attractive. They give us hope. We admire them. Merely observing empowered people makes us feel more in control as well. But what led to it? Which traits did they cultivate within to become so visibly powerful without?

Countless attitudes are ascribed to being strong: There’s willpower, patience, and persistence. There’s discipline, persuasiveness, and flexibility. What about honesty? What about detachment? Will those make us strong? It’s easy to get lost in a sea of attributes, none of which ultimately matter.

According to The School of Life, only a few qualities will turn us into the rock others can lean and build upon. Once we’ve clearly identified those in the people we adore, we must be laser-focused on developing them in ourselves.

Here are the three cardinal virtues of emotional maturity.

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Why I Quit My Substack After 6 Weeks and $3,700 in Revenue Cover

Why I Quit My Substack After 6 Weeks and $3,700 in Revenue

Nik

If you don’t separate what’s working from what you wish was working, you’ll never commit to the right projects. This is a story about learning to tell the difference.

On January 11th, I started a freemium newsletter. I called it “You — A daily email full of inspiration, smart ideas, and emotional support for the most important person in your life.”

Three times a week, it was free. For two extra editions, plus audio recordings, plus community interaction, you had to pay. I launched with a discounted rate of $5/month or $50/year, which later went up to $7/$70. I started with 27,000 email subscribers, painstakingly acquired over the last seven years.

After six weeks, I had about 70 paying customers, for a projected annual revenue of about $3,700. I took a week off for my 30th birthday — and then I quit. I refunded everyone and shut the project down.

Here’s why in 5 lessons.

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Your Mind Is a Straightener for Reality Cover

Your Mind Is a Straightener for Reality

Nik

In a gallery in Birmingham, there’s a painting. When you stand still, it looks flat. If you move a bit to the side, however, the corridors will…shift.

It feels like you’re wandering the halls of an art gallery — inside a painting in an art gallery. It’s marvelous. Magical. And hella confusing.

YouTube video

The trick is, of course, that the painting is not flat at all. It’s made of three-dimensional, pyramid-shaped cones, sticking out from the canvas. It’s a sculpture disguised as a painting, and your mind struggles to tell the difference. From the right perspective, however, you can clearly see it.

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You Will Learn To Love the Work You Choose Cover

You Will Learn To Love the Work You Choose

Nik

Our brain turns memories into stories. The difference is that a story will always make sense, while your memories may not.

If you’ve ever told an anecdote at a party and left out a tiny detail in service of the punchline, you know what I’m talking about. Maybe, the car had already stopped when you jumped in to save the puppy. Maybe, the wall you climbed wasn’t all that high. Shhhhh! It’s ok. I won’t tell anyone.

The most curious aspect of this is that the more you retell a story, the more polished it becomes. With every iteration, your memories warp a little more to match the consistency of the story — until the line between them gets so blurry, you start believing the story is the memory. That’s how strong our brain’s desire for coherence is.

While it’s harmless to take some liberties with a childhood adventure to make others laugh, when it comes to your career, you must resist your brain’s addiction to narratives.

If you don’t, one day, you’ll no longer be able to make good decisions — simply because they don’t fit the story arc you’ve created in your mind.

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Today Is Gonna Be Your Day Cover

Today Is Gonna Be Your Day

Nik

You wake up. You’re eight years old. It’s your birthday. How excited are you?

I’ll tell you how excited you are: Right now, your zest for life is an 11 out of 10. Heck, it might be a 15. I think you should live your life as if it’s your eighth birthday every day. At least once a week.

Psychologically, there’s no reason you can’t. That’s all life is. Psychology. Identifying, managing, changing your emotions — and then projecting what you have procured upon the world. Seriously. Try it.

Smash your alarm with the force of Thor’s hammer. Don’t roll over in bed. Jump out! JUMP! Try the 5 second rule: 5…4…3…2…1 — GO!

Play music. Pick a song that makes you feel unstoppable. Like this one. Or this one. Or this one. Blast it on repeat. Put on headphones. Don’t stop. You’re a train of joy, and you’re just leaving the station.

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Your Value Doesn’t Change If Your Circumstances Do Cover

Your Value Doesn’t Change If Your Circumstances Do

Nik

One day, the teacher brought a $100 bill to school. He showed it to the class and asked: “How much is this worth?”

“$100,” the class said in unison.

The teacher crumpled up the bill, then held it in the palm of his hand. Once again, he asked: “How much is this worth?”

“$100,” the students said.

The teacher threw the bill on the ground and asked: “How much is it worth now?”

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If You’re Not Valued, You’re in the Wrong Place Cover

If You’re Not Valued, You’re in the Wrong Place

Nik

When she graduated high school, the father told his daughter: “I’m proud of you. Soon, you will move out and go your own way. I’d like to give you a going-away present. Follow me.”

The father walked to the garage and pressed a light switch the daughter had never seen before. A single light bulb lit up and revealed: Hidden in the back of the garage, there sat an old car. It was dusty, dirty, and clearly not in good shape.

The father smiled and revealed a set of keys: “I bought this car many years ago. It is old, but now, it’s yours! I only have one request: Take the car to the used car lot and ask how much they’re willing to give you for it. I’d like to know.”

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You Don’t Need a New Thing to Be Grateful For

Nik

Every night, I write down three things I’m grateful for. I’ve been doing it for nine years. That’s almost 10,000 times I said “thanks” when I didn’t have to.

At first, I tried hard to be creative. “What did I not write down yet? What’s something unique to be grateful for?” James Altucher is big on this:

When stuck in traffic, be grateful to be living in such a magnificent place that everyone wants to be there.

When a child yells back, see the birth of independence of yet another unique personality beginning its private journey on this planet.

As it always does, however, eventually, life happened. I got lazy. Busy. I had bad days. When I felt tired, I just threw three quick things together. When I was sad or unmotivated, I listed the same stuff.

At first, I felt bad whenever I repeated a previous reason. “I’m not being as grateful as I should be. If I was more grateful, I’d find better things.” Then, I realized:

Gratitude is not a creativity exercise. It’s a gratitude exercise.

You don’t need a new thing to be grateful for each day. You need to understand it’s the same things, over and over again, that make you happy. Don’t feel bad for covering your bases. After all, the basics are what matters.

At least 200 of my thanks went to coffee. You could say that’s boring. I say it’s reassuring. How comforting if, time and again, you realize all you need is coffee, cheap groceries, and free music on Youtube.

If you need a new gratitude fix every day — if you chase ever bigger outcomes in hopes of putting them on that list — you’re doing it wrong. Gratitude is not a game of ambition. That’s the opposite of what it’s for.

Sometimes, I still try to be creative. Instead of coffee itself, I might pick my coffee maker, which, despite also counting nine years, hasn’t broken down yet. But whenever I catch myself writing down another thing I’ve used a thousand times, I smile.

A warm bed, free wifi, fresh air. These are the things that make life an honor to wake up to, not winning an Oscar or seeing the pyramids. Those are just the gravy — and we all know fries taste best with ketchup.