nik.art - Page 129 of 171 - I write for dreamers, doers, and unbroken optimists.

You’re Tripping Over Secondary Gains on the Way to Your Dreams

February 19, 2020June 26, 2024 Nik

My first job as a freelancer was to create a corporate identity for a new company. For $15/hr, I helped a local tax advisor launch several sub-brands, all aligned in terms of design, logos, positioning, and web presence.

It was a great gig. The pay could have been better but filling pages upon pages with writing and carefully choosing words for brand names and slogans was a good way to practice my craft. Plus, they loved what I was doing, so they kept coming back for more. This is where the problems began.

Knowing I had a degree in management, they asked me to come in on a regular basis and look at all kinds of things, ranging from tax reports to debt restructuring projects to full-scale corporate accounting. I’d learned some basic accounting in college, but I definitely wasn’t equipped to handle any of these tasks. They also contributed nothing to my growth as a writer. But the client needed every helping hand they could get.

Eventually, they started paying more. They gave me perks, like free coffee at the office and the ability to work from home. They even gave me a company car! Of course, none of these benefits changed the root problem: I wasn’t the right person for the job, and, to me, it felt like a dead end.

Finally, I stopped fighting fires for them. I called in, told them I’d return the car, and that I loved working with the team, but that, from now on, I’d only be available for the kind of work we initially agreed upon. I did a few follow-up jobs, and I’m a happy client of their tax service to this day, but I felt liberated after this decision, and I never regretted quitting that job to write more.

I didn’t see it at the time, and I sometimes blamed the company for dragging me into this spiral, but in reality, it was entirely my fault. It would have been easy to prevent the whole situation with a few extra nos, but I couldn’t.

What tripped me up and sent me on a detour en route to my dreams was a common self-sabotage pattern we all fall into, and that, often, we don’t even see: I was seduced by secondary gains.

Diversification vs. Focus: The Hardest Tradeoff for Entrepreneurs

February 18, 2020September 25, 2023 Nik

The toughest, ongoing challenge I have as an entrepreneur is the debate in my head about what I should focus on.

Should I start another project? How much time, attention, and energy should I commit to X over Y over Z? Is it time to shut down one of my ventures, bundle my resources, and bet big on one thing? Or need I diversify more?

Besides being hard to answer for any given time frame, asking these questions is a project all on its own, a project that also takes time and energy, both of which could be spent on making actual progress at any one thing.

I don’t claim to have definitive answers, but I’ve learned a lot from my own decisions and mistakes in diversifying and focusing over the past five years. I made a long-term bet on a website that now generates a full-time income. I shut down my writing course after it made $20,000. Most of all, I think about what the word ‘balance’ means for an entrepreneur every day.

Below is a collection of my most formed ideas on the subject. I hope they’ll help you figure out when to quit and when to stick — no matter how many times you’ll have to do it.

Show People You Love Them Every Day

February 13, 2020August 10, 2024 Nik

The most common point of criticism my German friends have for US culture is the layer of politeness that’s slapped on top of everyday interactions.

America is a country of service, a place where you exchange pleasantries and, for the most part, say hi to your neighbors. Superficial or not, I quite enjoy it. It’s nice to be asked, “How are you?” or to receive a compliment every once in a while, even if the barista won’t be my best friend afterwards.

Germans might complain about the lack of sincerity, but they also complain about grumpy service people — which we have a ton of — and not knowing what their neighbor is up to. Regardless of where you fall on the directness vs. politeness spectrum, I think everyone should admire this about US communication culture: Americans tell people they love them. All the time.

When my American friends hang up the phone with their families, they’ll say, “Love you guys, talk soon.” When they kiss their spouse goodbye at the grocery store, they’ll toss in a quick “Love you” before they leave. It’s never a big announcement, often a small add-on. It feels almost like an afterthought — but it’s always there — and that’s the part that counts.

Tomorrow Can Be a Good Day

February 12, 2020August 10, 2024 Nik

The last note on Avicii’s phone reads: “Spread positivity through my music and message.”

Robin Williams once remarked that, “Comedy is acting out optimism.”

In his last speech to fans at a concert, Chester Bennington said: “The one thing that can’t be defeated is love.”

I’m a writer. Every day, I structure my thoughts and emotions. Each session is therapy. The articles are just the reports. I take the result of my self-treatment, package it how I think will be most helpful, and release it to the world.

I wish everyone could do this. I wish it’d work for anybody. Sadly, that’s not the case. For Robin, Chester, and Tim, one day, the therapy stopped working.

Even before I started typing, I’ve always held this one belief. I’ve known it for as long as I can remember, and I don’t have any other lens to view life through. It’s as simple as it is powerful, and I can describe it in one sentence:

Tomorrow can be a good day.

The 5 Biggest Mistakes I Made in My 20s

February 11, 2020June 26, 2024 Nik

We underestimate how much we can learn from the past decade in contrast to how much we can learn from the past year. The longer the time frame you reflect on, the more pronounced patterns have to be for you to notice them.

This week, I’m completing my 29th lap around the sun. Instead of thinking about just last year, I decided to think about the last decade. I have one more year to go in my 20s, but I’m close enough to the end to think about which big ideas in my life have shifted most dramatically.

Here are five opinions I wish I’d examined more closely much sooner.

Assiduity: Work Hard and Don’t Quit Too Early

February 10, 2020August 10, 2024 Nik

In 2010, I dropped myself into a 60-hour workweek by accident: I started college with no idea what would hit me.

I remember adding all my lectures, tutorials, and seminars to my schedule and realizing: If I attend all of these, I’ll spend 40 hours a week just getting input — and I won’t have done any studying or assignments yet.

In our first semester, we had seven subjects, ranging from math to economics to programming to materials science and business, each with a big final exam that determined 100% of our grade. The pressure was on. While my friends and I didn’t know the first thing about these topics, we also had to code a new mini program each week, hand it in, and present it to a tutor. It was a lot.

None of us knew what to expect, and, facing such a crazy workload, we were, quite frankly, scared shitless. In order to cope, we did what most cornered animals do: we fought. Luckily, in Germany, attendance isn’t mandatory for most classes, so we skipped what we could and, instead, focused on getting things done.

Every day, we went to the library, sometimes as early as 6 or 7 AM, and worked like hell. We studied 13, 14, 15 hours a day. Alone. Together. Working on the same problems or completely different ones. We compared our notes, shared solutions, and stared at the programming console until the code finally worked. It was a nightmare, but in the end, we passed all of our exams.

That first semester was a real wake-up call. In the words of German singer Farin Urlaub: “Life is not Home Depot, and there’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Having cruised through high school on little to no studying and with good grades, I had finally arrived in the real world — and it was tough.

If you had listed everything I would do and accomplish that year in advance, I would have said, “Impossible!” Looking back, however, as hard as it was, I feel incredibly proud of overcoming all these obstacles. With each long work day came a sense of accomplishment, and the more days I racked up, the more I started seeing myself as a gritty person.

Ultimately, I gained a lot of confidence from all this hard work, confidence that then helped me achieve bigger goals and exceed my own expectations — and that I rely on to this day.

5 Surprising Realities of Dating a Guy in His 20s

February 9, 2020June 26, 2024 Nik

Dating a guy in his 20s can feel like getting a dog. First, you’re floored by his cuteness. He can do nothing wrong, and every minute you spend together is fun and magical.

Then, you realize he’s kind of high-maintenance. He needs lots of attention, care, and cleaning up after. What’s more, the fun record seems to be the only one he plays. Most of the time, he’s totally oblivious to what’s going on and keeps chasing his own tail. Slowly, you begin to wonder: Is he worth it?

In your early 20s, focusing on the fun parts of relationships feels fine, and you’re not too worried about whether the sex, the adventures, the good times last. As you’re nearing your 30s, however, your perspective starts to change.

You don’t want a dog. You want a human being. Someone who acts like an adult, who can support you through thick and thin, and who’s willing to weather both the ups and the downs.

It’s not uncommon for men to “grow up” a little later than women, but there’s always a reason for it — often more than one. We don’t reject adulthood because we’re childish, we’re scared of the traumas we’ll have to face once we decide to give life our best shot. Having fun is a cover-up.

If you’ve ever felt a guy in his 20s acted more like a teenager and behaved unreasonably, chances are, he struggled with something and didn’t tell you about it. Below are five of those somethings.

Don’t see them as reasons to babysit, but consider them as uncovered, deep-seated pains. Gaps in your relationship you can — and should — try to bridge together so both of you can thrive.

How To Heal From Emotional Damage

February 6, 2020June 26, 2024 Nik

When I was 20, I went to a party in my hometown. Sitting between some people I didn’t know, there was a girl. She was short, had dark hair, and a beautiful smile. Somehow, I felt drawn to her.

The feeling turned out to be mutual, and we instantly connected. We talked, we laughed, and by the time we all left and drove to a club, she held my hand and wouldn’t let go. It was magical.

Whenever I grabbed the lever to switch gears, she put her hand on top of mine. I let it rest there for the entire ride. Her touch made me feel warm and fuzzy. At the club, we danced through the night. Before I left, she gave me her number.

Over the next few days, we chatted a lot. We spoke on the phone, and I had fun getting to know her. I was back at university, but she said she’d be in town and asked if she could stay with me. Feeling even warmer and fuzzier, of course, I agreed.

I believe honesty is my best trait, but it’s also the one that has caused me the most pain. Whether it’s ultimately good fortune or just self-sabotage, I tend to unload big pieces of baggage early into a relationship. I feel like I owe people transparency, like they should know what they get into with me. In this case, I told my crush I was a virgin.

At first, she seemed to take it well. When she arrived on my doorstep, however, it was without an overnight bag. She said she’d changed her mind. While we were getting drinks at a rooftop bar, it dawned on me that she was rejecting me for being inexperienced.

The more stories she told about past lovers and ex-boyfriends, turning our beautiful connection into a buddy-like confessional, the more painful emotions seeped into my system. It was as if someone had broken a test tube full of poison, the liquid slowly inching forward, infecting my heart and brain.

I’m not sure why she flaunted her sexual encounters, knowing I had nothing to show for, but when I later asked her if she was willing to teach me, she snapped and asked if I was calling her a slut. I wasn’t, but I realized it may have come out wrong. I tried to rectify my choice of words, but, unable to calm her, I decided it was best to let go and move on from the whole incident.

I spent the rest of the night sitting in my chair, listening to Far East Movement, and somewhat successfully raising my spirits. The next day, I woke up, and, as always, life went on.

I’m still not sure I understand this whole encounter, but it taught me at least one valuable lesson: When we cause emotional damage in others, it’s always a reflection of our own, unaddressed pains.

The 2 Stages of a Successful Creative Career

February 3, 2020September 25, 2023 Nik

I’ve been writing for five and a half years, and, so far, I’ve only seen two constants in writers, Youtubers, freelancers, and any other creative types who succeeded on a big scale: consistency and experimentation.

Usually, one follows the other, and people who fail get stuck on climbing either the first or the second step of this metaphorical ladder. As a corollary, I haven’t seen anyone do both and completely fail in the long run.

Consistency and experimentation are the two stages of a thriving creative career.

You Have an Identity Crisis Because You Think You Have Just One

January 31, 2020September 25, 2023 Nik

In the late 90s, Jim Carrey was the most famous actor in the world — and also one of the best-paid.

He once pulled out a check on Jay Leno for $10 million for “acting services rendered” that he’d written himself four years earlier. Later, he told Oprah that he ended up making that exact amount just before the deadline in 1995. A little over a decade later, however, after Bruce Almighty and Yes Man (on which he made another, staggering $35 million), he sort of, just, went away.

Less acting, fewer crazy stunts, no more insane paychecks.

He showed up again in 2017, seeming very out of touch at a Red Carpet interview and then spotting a huge beard on Jimmy Kimmel. He’s easing back into the spotlight these days with appearances in Sonic and his own TV show, but still, wherever he pops up, he seems as happy and calm as he seems mysterious and aloof. He’ll go deep out of nowhere, tell an odd story, or remind us that “we don’t matter” while simultaneously talking about “the limitlessness of our souls.”

It all feels like something has happened to Jim Carrey in the time he was away. Of course, things have. But instead of dismissing him as another lost-cause actor, maybe, we can learn something from him. Maybe, we should let Jim Carrey happen to us.