Yesterday, I was fully stuck in my head, ruminating about my own affairs, for the first few hours of the day. Even my usual fun-sprint down the spiral staircase at work couldn’t break me out of my shell. Only what happened next did.

“Good morning!”

“Good morning!”

“What can I get ya?”

“One cappuccino please.”

Whether it was because he had just cranked out 20 lattes already during the morning rush or for some other reason, I don’t know, but this time, I held my warm, comforting beverage in my hands within 30 seconds.

“Wow, that was light speed man, fantastic. Thank you!”

“Just normal,” he said and shrugged, but in the corner of his mouth, I could see the slightest smirk, and I knew: Here’s a human being who’s happy to have just received a compliment — and that, in turn, made me happy. That did the trick.

From that moment on, I became less self-conscious and more other-conscious. I finally started doing my tasks instead of thinking about them, because I remembered who I was trying to do them for.

It turns out, just like our work, compliments are for everyone. They warm the giver as much as the receiver — and both more than even the best cup of coffee. Give more compliments.

Before I even entered the Thai massage place, I already saw a sign in the window: “This is a professional business.” Stuck to the front counter in bold letters, there were more reminders: “We do not offer any sexual services.” Even in the massage room itself, more warnings on the door: “Do not ask for sexual treatments.”

On the one hand, I found it sad that people offering a health service rich in cultural tradition need to fight prejudice so badly. 10,000 kilometers away from their home, and yet the stereotype of “massages with happy endings” still haunts them.

On the other hand, this is the obstacle they chose, and now, they must overcome it. Are big signs the only way? If no signs didn’t work, what about repositioning the business? Perhaps a more high-end look would eliminate dubious customers. Maybe a more drastic move is necessary. What if they offered a different kind of massage? Remove the Thai branding altogether?

In Germany, many Vietnamese people used to operate “Chinese” restaurants before more diverse Asian cuisine became a thing. Was that ideal? No. But it made their lives easier and their businesses more profitable. In some cases, it even allowed them to survive until original Vietnamese cuisine became a hit with German folks.

In life but especially in business, you are picking your obstacles based on the kind of operation you run. There’ll always be certain problems baked into any industry, market, and locale. The only question is which one do you want to have? Some problems are better than others, if only because you are better suited to address them.

Even if you are somewhat locked in, say because you’ve trained to be a massage therapist for years, you always have room to navigate. You’re not a cardboard cutout — and you are always choosing. How flexible are you willing to be in how you present your skills? Would you take ghostwriting over no writing? Can you put your identity on the back-burner until your cash savings are in the green? These are tough but necessary questions.

You won’t always know which hurdles you’ll encounter before you start, but if you realize you’re fighting windmills on a daily basis, the rational — albeit sometimes hardest — thing to do is change. Pick your obstacles wisely.

There comes a time when life asks us to be more than we’ve ever been before. It’s not the usual, slow, near-invisible process of stretching we are accustomed to. Life will issue a direct call to us: “You. It is your turn. Will you take responsibility? Or cling to a past that, from this moment forth, is already gone?”

Life’s call could be to fill your parents’ big shoes after their sudden passing. It might be a political vacuum, at danger of supporting terrible leadership if inhabited by the wrong person. Or, it could be something mundane that happens thousands of times every day yet has profound implications: a surprise pregnancy. Will you accept the role of caretaker for another human being?

You won’t be ready when life makes the big ask, and you shouldn’t expect yourself to be. Unpreparedness is half the deal. You’ll have to make up this one as you go. But to do that, you are always ready. Life simply decided that now’s a good time for this particular challenge.

A prince doesn’t become a king on a schedule. He becomes a king when his father dies. There’s never a great time to sign up for the championship, to raise your hand in a crowded room, or to volunteer in case of an emergency. By definition, we must face these trials when they happen.

You are not perfect. You will never have all the skills, all the resources, or perfect emotional control. But you have the power to choose. To accept. To make the very best you can out of everything you’ve got. Please, use this power. Perhaps right in this moment, life is calling out your name. For your own sense of agency, peace of mind, and inner freedom; for your family, your people, and your country; for the sake of all of us, step up.

When Alex Hormozi worked at a fur coat dealer as an 18-year-old, one day, an angry customer walked in and started making a scene. “Where’s John? This is ridiculous!” the lady went off. “I spent so much money on this coat, and now this button already came off!”

Just as the woman was really getting fired up, John, the owner of the business, walked out and…started raging too! “Mrs. Johnson! You are right. This is outrageous! Totally unacceptable! Who sold you this coat? We’ll get rid of them right now! Did anyone see you with the button missing? We’ll get to the bottom of this right away!”

Shocked by John’s intense reaction, the lady actually began to calm down. “Uhm, you know, it’s not that big of a deal. I mean, these things happen. I just want it fixed. Can you fix it please?” “It is a big deal!” John continued. “We’ll handle this, just one moment.” John grabs the coat, takes it out back and, within five minutes, returns it to the lady — buttons and all.

The customer is over the moon. “Oh, thank you so much John, you’re the best! Sorry I was a little over the top before.” “No no, you should be,” John reaffirms, and as he passes Alex on his way back into the warehouse, he just shrugs his shoulders in a gesture that says, “You know, customers.”

That day, Alex learned a valuable lesson: “There can only be one person in the angry-boat.”

Usually, we try to calm down angry people, Alex says, but that’s a mistake. It’s in the phrase: When we say, “Just calm down,” we downplay their emotions. Instead, we should validate them. Get angry on their behalf!

When your partner is venting about work and you begin venting with them, that gives the two of you something to agree on. Instead of getting angrier and angrier, they can nod their head and go, “Yeah, that’s what I mean!” That, ironically, has a calming effect.

What’s more, there’s only so much room for anger at any given time. The angry-boat is a one-person canoe, and as soon as you get in, the other person will have to get out. A few days ago, when my girlfriend ranted about an ongoing, frustrating situation with her employer, I ended up getting so angry at them, she started telling me to calm down. “It is what it is. Let’s just wait and see.”

This is a great lesson for managing customers and relationships alike, but for it to work, you’ll need a third party to be angry at. If your partner is angry at you, you can still get angry at yourself, but it’s hard to share this anger in a productive way. Still, it validates their feelings if you tell them: “Actually, you’re right. I would be angry at me too in this situation.”

The next time you spot someone in the angry boat, don’t duck and whisper soothing words at them from afar. Hop right in, and demonstrate that you understand how they feel. Join the scene midway, and act it out until the end. Chances are, by the time you’re on a roll, your customer, friend, or partner will already be back ashore, extending a hand for you to join them back in the land of calm — and then all you have to do is remember there’s no reason to be angry.

Every now and then, my girlfriend and I have a discussion about some topic that, on the surface, seems to be just a to-do list item related to organizing, admin, or other everyday matters. It could be deciding on a budget for a vacation, researching for a new piece of furniture, or figuring out some paperwork.

When you look at the timing of the discussion, however, you might wonder: Why are they talking about this now? We might be thinking about a problem months in advance or debate a matter for which, at this point, we don’t really have sufficient information to make a good decision. That’s because not all of our brainstorming happens to address the surface-level, factual needs you can see. Some talks we hold mainly to manage our emotions. Of course, we rarely realize that’s what we are doing.

Have you ever felt the pressing need to resolve an issue, even though, objectively, there was no urgency just yet? Then the need was emotional, not factual — and that, too, is valid. Similarly, whenever you wonder why a partner, friend, or family member is so bent on talking about something right now, chances are, they need emotional reassurance. It will barely matter what you say nor what you agree on, as long as you agree on something that allows their emotions to subside.

It takes a lot of awareness to spot this pattern in the moment, but when you do, you are free to either move on or help your loved one reach a calmer state. The stakes drop a lot instantly because you realize the issue at hand doesn’t really matter — what matters is being there for one another.

Separating your and other people’s emotional needs from reality-based ones is a lifelong task. You won’t succeed at it in each discussion, and sometimes, tempers will raise before coming back down — but it is a most noble, unmistakably human service you’ll perform, and that is its own greatest reward.

Lesson #1 of moving: You always have more stuff than you think you do. That’s because humans stretch without realizing it.

I lived in a tiny, 24-square-meter apartment for five years, but what I carried out of that flat today was almost enough to fill an entire van. From one day to the next, I don’t think I ever felt as if anything had changed about the place — but feelings aren’t reality, and so a little here, a little there eventually adds up.

What’s one more shoe box? One more suitcase? One more book on your shelf? In the moment, nothing. But when you move out, these are the things you find in nooks and crannies — and that might force you to rent a bigger truck.

Of course, when we’re forced to pack all our belongings, we lament this dynamic. “How did I rack up so much stuff? Couldn’t have made do with less?” While requiring more physical space is annoying and often costly, our habit of stretching into our environment isn’t a bad thing in and of itself.

When you acquire things for yourself or for your home, it’s a sign you feel comfortable. You’re growing into and with the place. How could it possibly stay the same for five years? You won’t, and neither will your home.

More importantly, however, you also stretch into the various roles in your life. On your first day at work, you don’t know how to complete any of your regular tasks. Three months in, however, you’ve long started making your own tweaks to certain processes. You add a little here, a little there, and make the work your own. The same applies to new friendships, being a dad, and becoming an artist. Your character will have some basic setup, but all the nooks and crannies? You’ll have to fill those as you go, and you’ll do that as naturally as breathing — and that’s a wonderful thing.

The next time you move, try to remember what each item meant when you first put it in its place. Did it help you grow as a mother? Was it a sign that you’ve started living healthier? Appreciate the stretching, and even when it’s time to let go of some possessions, you’ll feel grateful rather than annoyed.

Some people will roll their eyes when you set up personal photographs on your desk, but while their purpose is simple, their meaning is deep: You can take up as much space as you need to be who you want to be, and you’re capable of becoming so much more than you think you can.

There’s nothing like that first day of spring, when you go out in the morning, the sun is already, finally shining, and you realize: “Wow! I don’t need my jacket!” It feels like returning home after a long journey, or like getting a reward after months of seemingly fruitless effort.

With seasons, the long dark before the dawn is easy enough to accept. In the depths of winter, we know spring is coming. But what about our botched online course launch? What about the half year we spent publishing content, only for our website to still be a ghost town? Will those winters be everlasting?

There’s no explanation as pithy or mathematically precise as the geometry behind our weather intervals, but as long as you have faith, spring is always coming. It might not come as a shower of money from the skies or a sudden wave of internet traffic, but if you hold steady and keep your eyes open, sooner or later, inevitably, you’ll spot the sun.

Sometimes, the sun is the realization that someone is not the right person for you. It could be a new endeavor that pulls you in so quickly, you forget your last project completely. Or it may be a slow Sunday afternoon drip of acceptance that, yes, perhaps it’s time to try something different.

Every first day of spring is unique. The temperature throughout the day, the speed of the wind, the level of humidity — the combination of these factors is different each time. It is only the feeling that is the same. For your personal spring, equal terms apply.

You may not make money where you plan to make it, find love where you set out to find it, or achieve greatness where you hope the world will see you, but the sun won’t hide forever. Stay aware of your surroundings, and be willing to switch when the rays fall on the other side of the street. After all, when you can take off your jacket in the daylight, why stay in the shade?

I’ve always been a proponent of taking the stairs for health. After all, it’s one of the easiest, cheapest, and most accessible ways to get some exercise in. But when’s the last time you took the stairs for fun — or at least with fun?

When I was younger, I genuinely enjoyed going down the stairs. I always turned it into a game. I’d have to walk sideways, backwards, or race down as fast as I could. Somewhere, there’s still an old video of me taking an entire flight in our school in one leap.

How often do we take the stairs without actually being there? Nowadays, I’m often lost in thought, pondering some issue or planning my next to-do, and by the time I reach the next floor, it’s almost as if I’ve teleported there.

Every now and then, however, the spiral staircase at work brings me back. I’ll race down trying to match the beat of the music in my headphones or deliberately walk slowly in a marching rhythm. It’s nice. It makes me feel young again. There’s more to life than emails and appointments. And yes, taking the stairs for fun definitely counts.

Maybe for you, the stairs didn’t do it. Maybe it was touching every handrail, counting bricks in the sidewalk, or spontaneously sprinting from lamp post to lamp post. Whatever it is that you once did for its own sake, try it again. If not for, then at least with fun this time.

Life only feels serious when we make serious faces. Relax your muscles, be a bit silly, and remember that the steps that feel only necessary are still 100% part of the way.

In Along With the Gods: The Last 49 Days, three afterlife guardians are tasked with bringing an old man to the underworld. Unfortunately, a household god gets in the way.

Unwilling to let old Heo Chun-sam pass without first ensuring his grandson’s future, Seongju keeps stalling. He barters with the reapers. He keeps them around so they grow fond of little Hyeon-dong too. Most brilliantly, however, he reveals their own past to them in little pieces — something they had to let go of before taking on “their new gig.”

Slowly, it dawns on them that their collegial A-Team spirit mostly rests on their wiped memories, for the truth is ugly and a lot more complex than the titles of “boss” and “assistant.” Love. Murder. War. Betrayal. It all happened 1,000 years ago, and yet some things no amount of time can erase. Seongju’s last gift before his eventual departure is the truth — but not in the way assistant guardians Haewonmaek and Lee Deok-chun had expected:

“No one is innately bad. There are bad circumstances, that’s all. So when you’re resentful and angry and feel that you can’t understand something, try to read and think everything backwards. Then things will start making sense. Everything from humans…and the world…to this universe.”

How could someone murder their own flesh and blood? Why kill an innocent child? And how can someone redeem themselves for such atrocities? As the guardians are finally dealing with some existential questions long after no longer existing, they all do so in their own way but learn the same, valuable lesson: Not everything can be forgotten, but everyone can be forgiven.

As the trio watches Heo Chun-sam take Hyeon-dong to his first day of school, their guardian duty pager rings. Before the team takes off for another adventure, however, Boss Gangnim wants to make a confession: “You see, a thousand years ago…” His assistants, however, only wave off with a smile: “Geez. We’re busy! Why bring up a millennium-old story?”

During my massage the other day, I noticed a pattern: Whenever the masseuse found a particularly tight spot, she would go over it once or twice, then move on to a different area. Sometimes, the tension in the first place resolved slowly. At other times, she had to revisit that same inch later and apply more pressure.

In any case, unlike the laser-style focus we often desire — and that, granted, often works — it was a more fluid approach to solving a problem. The human body is like a whack-a-mole machine. You push a button on one end, and a spring pops out on the other. Some of these connections are well-understood and fully documented. Others are still a mystery to science.

Can a message therapist press the ball of your foot to cause a reaction in your back? Maybe. But do they sometimes also take a guess by moving first over here, then over there, and hope a block will dissolve on its own? Likely — and, in some cases, that’s just as fair a strategy as knowing exactly which knobs to turn.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do to make progress on a project is to go do something else. Whether it’s inspiration or a creative breakthrough you lack, a little bit of “over here, over there” might do the trick. In business, a side project might turn into the main thing, like for Pieter Levels, whose 4th of “12 startups in 12 months” became his longtime focus. Similarly, an angry friend is sometimes best left alone until you both cool off and start missing each other.

None of this is to say that focus isn’t the right thing to shoot for most of the time — but at the very least, it’s a sign there’s no need to berate yourself when you lose it. Enjoy the detour while it lasts, and who knows? Perhaps by the time you return to the main event, an obstacle will have turned into a new step on the way.