When you wake up at 5 AM, wishing for nothing more than to go back to sleep until your alarm rings at 7, a thought can look like a tempting solution. “Maybe this one will soothe me.” “Perhaps that one will distract me until I fall asleep.” But of course, no matter which route you choose, there’ll always be more thoughts.
Imagining a flock of sheep jumping over a wooden fence leads to pictures of delicious lamb shank leads to pretending you’re in a cooking competition. Going through Monday’s schedule zones in on a certain task which zones in on a particular obstacle which zones in on your complicated relationship with your boss. When freedom from mind is what you seek, thoughts can’t be the solution.
Meditation is hard not because you don’t get to think but because you’ll inevitably find yourself thinking regardless. It’s much harder to turn the brain off than to leave it on. In some situations, however, like sleeping, letting go is the only thing that works. It matters not how you do it but that you do it.
I’ve tried countless times to think myself to sleep. It almost never works. There’s always another thought following the last one, and so I just keep pulling rope after rope after rope in what feels like an infinite magic trick. But whether I focus on my breath or try to just drop thinking altogether, when I opt to let go, I at least stand a chance.
We all want to believe our next thought is the silver bullet that puts our endless meandering to rest, but the truth is there is no such thing. Whatever line you choose next in your mind, remember: There’ll always be more thoughts, and sometimes, the road of thinking is simply the wrong one to go down.