Most people are like spiders.
They have more reason to fear you than you have reason to be afraid of them. But when you look at them, you can’t help but feel intimidated.
- What are they up to?
- Will they get angry at me?
- What if I interrupt them in something important?
Chances are, none of these things matter, and by the time you’ve tossed and turned those questions 17 times in your head, you’d long have found out the answers to them by simply saying “hi” or “I opened the window, hope you don’t mind” or “is this seat taken?”
When I was in 5th grade, we had an old geography teacher, who was very intimidating. The second someone started talking, his voice would roar through the entire room: “QUIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEET!”
He kept telling us stories of his adventures and travels when he was young, and how his mother emigrated to the US with only one box of things. He even looked like a sailor, kinda like this:
Whether it was him, or our snappy English teacher, or our slightly bipolar biology teacher, or our hot-tempered principal, one day I realized:
Teachers have to eat too.
Everyone eats.
Everyone poops.
Everyone sleeps.
So now, whenever my heart stops, because I feel scared, or intimidated, I remind myself that other people boil their pasta in water too.
Every human being you will ever meet wakes up in the morning and has to pee. We all need sleep. We all clean ourselves with nothing but water. We all get grumpy if we don’t get food for too long.
No matter if the person you face is homeless or a billionaire, the level of communication remains the same: human-to-human.
Don’t lose the respect. Just lose the fear.
I really like that Steve Jobs quote about it:
“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you.” — Steve Jobs
So the next time you see a spider, don’t look away. Don’t go around it.
Look it straight into the eye. Don’t blink.
Let it know you’re here. And you’re human too.
Looking people into the eyes is indeed a great exercise. It’s called eye gazing and I learned it from The 4-Hour Workweek. You can do it while walking through the street, at dinner, or at the library. Whoever looks away last, wins.
I made a video to explain how it helps build your confidence.
