Like a lot of people, I really struggle with modern art. And trust me, I’m trying. Have been. For over a decade.
In 2007, we took a school trip to Munich. It was my first visit and I fell in love instantly. Part of the obligatory cultural program was a visit to the Pinakothek der Moderne.
They do have lots of cool stuff there, like the tech nostalgia section.
Sorry, 16-year-old Nik didn’t know how to hold a camera. And yes, the PS2 was already 7 years old in 2007.
Most of the painting section, however, was lost on me. I remember we spent most of our time coming up with funny names for ridiculous works of art.
Like this gem, which we proudly dubbed “The Flying Fart In The Doggy Bag.”
It’s really a masterpiece by German painter Anselm Kiefer, but come on, that just looks like shit on a canvas. Literally.
I went back there with my sister in November and among all the cool stuff, like this 100 Deutsche Mark bill made of wax (which sold for 43,000 euros)…
…or this table full of figurines built from chocolate wrappers given to 500 factory workers…
…modern art struck again. The special exhibition was called Doppelgarage (‘double garage’) by Thomas Hirschhorn. Take a look:
If I told you to just pick up every piece of random trash you find and collect as much weird crap as you can for a year, then put it all in one room, this is what you’d get.
Maybe that’s why it’s called double garage. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In 2012, I was in New York with two of my best friends. Of course we had to pay the MOMA a visit. They even had some works I understood the purpose of.
Like this:
Or Van Gogh’s “The Starry Night”:
Or Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory”:
…but then they also had a white room with nothing but three plastic surfboards leaned against the wall. Uh-huh.
And another with three white canvases, each with one colored line around the edges, blue, red and yellow. Woooooow.
Reminds me of this:
That’s Robert Rauschenberg’s masterpiece. The three panel in his “White Painting” series. Looks even better installed:
I know, right? And yes, you read correctly. It’s a series. Guess what the others are? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I mean come on!
I think the only thing I understand less than modern art is the prices people pay for modern art.
Given some of Rauschenberg’s other works sold for $18+ million, I think I’d rather not know the prices of these “classics.”
Here’s my rule of thumb: If a 4-year old would paint it for fun, it’s neither art nor worth a buck.
What’s really funny is what happens when a 4-year old actually paints like that. Born in 2000, Marla Olmstead quickly rose to fame in 2004, being called the new Picasso, a young Jackson Pollock.
After her first solo gallery show, she quickly sold $300,000 worth of paintings. One year later a report came out indicating that her Dad might guide her in the process.
People stopped buying and started sending hate mail. Really? I mean, if you’re stupid enough to fork over $43.8 million for this…
…or $105.7 million for this…
…or $80 million for this…
…at least admit that that’s your weak spot and don’t pretend it requires some innate genius or decades of training.
Me, I’d rather stare at a 100″ plasma than this:
But hey, what do I know? I’ve only been going to museums for 10 years. Maybe I should stick with art I can understand. Like “The Poor Poet” by Carl Spitzweg.
That I can look at and say: “Boy, I hope I don’t end up like him.”
Then again, messing with art is what’s kept me looking at it all this time. That’s what makes it fun. So I probably shouldn’t mess with that.
I wonder what museum I’ll go to next.
