If a woman was hit by her father when she was young, and she is now an excessively strict parent to her own son, is it because the abuse was “beat into her,” or because she still feels angry about her past and is taking it out on her child?
The Courage to Be Disliked, a philosophy book by two Japanese authors, tries to provide a new way for us to answer complicated questions like this. Its central thesis is about the difference between etiology and teleology. Both are branches of causality, the arm of philosophy that aims to explain why we do what we do.
You might not recognize the word “etiology,” but you definitely have experience with it: It simply describes the pattern of seeking past reasons for present events. “I did not study, so I failed the test.” “I was different from most kids in high school. That’s why I didn’t have many friends.”
Famous psychologists like Sigmund Freud relied on etiology to build their theories. If everything has a reason that lies in the past, there’s a cause for every ailment you can eventually point to, if only you dig long enough. Freud proposed that almost all origins of our present-day traumas can be traced back to our childhood. He surely would have correlated a mother’s abusive tendencies with her own abuse in younger years.
Teleology, on the other hand, offers a radically different view. It flips the entire premise on its head. There are no reasons for anything—except the ultimate purpose they serve. Everything is viewed from the point of the target outcome it was aimed at rather than some origin in the past. “I failed the test in order to signal to my parents that I am unhappy.” “I did not try to make friends in high school so I could keep feeling sorry for myself.”
Going back to the example from the beginning, under the teleological view, the woman is always getting something out of her current behavior, no matter how irrational it might seem. Perhaps she is locking her son up at home to protect him from a world she deems dangerous. Maybe forcing him to study is a way of channeling her own, unaddressed emotions. But whatever she “gains,” no matter how strange of a “benefit,” teleology asserts that behavior and goal are always aligned. If we’re perplexed by the behavior, we have simply misidentified the goal it serves.
As you can imagine, teleology has not been popular with philosophers, psychologists, and, really, anyone trying to find a convenient excuse for their own or other people’s behavior. If everything we do is a means to an end, there are no excuses.
The woman will always have had an abusive father. The fact that he hit her is written in stone. She can point to it for the rest of her life and blame all kinds of subsequent problems on it. From a teleological perspective, however, this universal explanation would disappear. If what she is doing is ultimately detrimental to her child’s development, she must look in the mirror, identify which goal she is subconsciously pursuing, and then replace it with one that allows her to better support her son. But whatever the particulars end up being, the onus is on her. The abusive father is no longer part of the picture at all.
The Courage to Be Disliked sold millions of copies. Perhaps the reason the book is so popular is that teleology is something we must come to grips with on our own. Most people won’t be able to read its Wikipedia entry and go, “Oh, sure, that makes sense, let me take my life entirely into my own hands now.” Even if the advice comes from a professional, it’s hard to believe anyone who hasn’t suffered the same fate. It’s understandable: If I was beat as a child, I don’t think I’d easily trust someone who had a happy childhood if they said, “Hey, your trauma is technically unnecessary. Why don’t you just forget about it?”
Our ego is strong. It would always rather be the victim than the perpetrator. And etiology offers infinite chances to be a victim in every situation. Teleology is a dramatic diversion from this almost innate human approach. It’s an entirely new worldview and not exactly an easy pill to swallow. It is also, however, immeasurably empowering. If everything you do serves some purpose in the present, then it’s never too late to change anything! You can find new purpose, and your behavior will adjust accordingly.
I’m not gonna try to sell you on teleology, but I can say that I’ve experienced its liberating benefits firsthand. “What goal might I subconsciously be pursuing with what I’m doing?” has proven to be an incredibly helpful question. If you’re curious, read The Courage to Be Disliked.
