Category: Happiness

If You Can’t Do Big Things for Yourself, Do Small Things for Others Cover

If You Can’t Do Big Things for Yourself, Do Small Things for Others

Nik

Your latest article flopped. Your boss criticized you in public. Your income is 30% down from the last month. It hurts, doesn’t it? To give your all and still fail. It happens to the best of us.

In moments of intense frustration, the weeks when nothing seems to be working, it’s easy to see each missed swing as a third strike. Can you ever recover? How will you come back from this?

The truth is simple and undramatic: You have a good meal, go to bed early, and show up again tomorrow. Except death, there are no third strikes in life. You’ll never have to go to the bench. You swung the bat and missed the ball. That’s all that happened. Nothing more, nothing less.

Most of all — and this is one of the best lessons you can teach yourself — hardly anyone noticed. The world doesn’t need you to be great just yet. We’ll get through the day without your grand achievement — just like you.

This isn’t to say your mission isn’t important or that you shouldn’t keep up the fight, it’s simply a reminder that, yes, it’s okay to be successful tomorrow.

There’s a story about Larry Page and Sergey Brin that, in the early days of Google, they were happy about small user numbers. “Good. Our product will be better tomorrow. Let people find us then.”

In Twitter’s first office, there was a big, upside down sign. It read, “Let’s make better mistakes tomorrow.”

Of course, right now, you don’t want to think about mistakes. You don’t want to think about tomorrow. You want to wallow in your failure. You want to steep in it like a teabag, but we all know what happens to tea that sits too long: it gets cold, bitter, and devoid of the energy it’s supposed to bring.

So what else can you do? You can take a deep breath. You can remember the world doesn’t revolve around you. You can forget yourself for a while and do something for others.

Answer your friend’s voice message from five days ago. Hold the door for someone at the grocery store. Buy flowers on the way home. Or ice cream. Or frozen pizza. Whatever makes your partner, kids, or neighbor happy.

Scan your inbox for a simple question. Instead of a one-liner, write a five-sentence response. You’ll get a beaming “Thank you!” back. Donate to your friend’s fundraiser. Their cause can use ten bucks. Recommend a good show to a colleague. They might return the favor at lunch.

When you can’t do big things for yourself, do small things for others.

It’ll take your mind off the monumentality of your task. Like that first gulp of air after being underwater, it’ll put you at ease. Then, it slowly morphs into a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Most of all, it’ll remind you: That big thing you want to achieve for yourself? It was never about you in the first place. It’ll be the result of serving others.

We look at people who make others shine and call them ‘great.’ We most respect folks who elevate others. Who step aside, time after time, and pass on the credit. The more spotlights you point towards those around you, the more we’ll love you in return.

Steve Jobs didn’t give people a new phone — he made them into pioneers, photographers, and folks with good taste. That’s why we loved him. Not because he invented some device.

Long before he was “Steve Jobs,” he too had many bad days. The latest demo crashed. The board fired him from his own company. I’m sure that, more than once, he wanted to quit. “How can I come back from this?”

But then, eventually, Steve remembered there was one more thing to do. One more task to take care of. Why aren’t the fonts perfect yet? How can we make initial setup easier? Which click can we do without?

Steve Jobs obsessed over details because it allowed him to keep going where others would have quit. It was a brilliant coping mechanism. No matter what disaster had happened, if he could get this one thing right, he still had a chance to make someone’s day.

Steve was a visionary. His commitment to innovation was remarkable. His greatness, however, rests on a million acts of service. Tiny, near-inconceivable ways of elevating the users of his products. By pushing him towards those acts — if only as a distraction in the moment — his worst days contributed as much to his success as his best ones, if not more.

If, one day, we tell your story like we tell his today, we might say the same about you. For now, remember that it’s okay to be great tomorrow. You may have failed, but it’s never too late to get back in the game.

If you want to do something big, do something small for others. True greatness is about making others shine.

Why Are You Doing What You’re Doing? Cover

Why Are You Doing What You’re Doing?

Nik

When I first dipped my toe into the world of tech, self-improvement, and online marketing, I did so out of fear.

I was terrified of an imagined, dystopian future in which I sat in a cubicle next to a huge glass window, overlooking a beautiful metropolis from the 40th floor, yet dying of boredom as each second seemed to pass slower than the last. Nothing about this future was real, and it never would have had to be, but it still scared the shit out of me — so much so that I actively started running away from it.

For the next few years, most of my career decisions were driven by that fear.

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The 8 Ways to Be Miserable Cover

The 8 Ways to Be Miserable

Nik

The most practical way to live a happy life is to avoid being miserable.

We get sucked into this fantasy that, if only we accomplished all our dreams, our lives would be worry-free. Many people make good money off this idea. They depend on you being stuck in it. Of course, it’s not true. There is no such thing as a life without problems.

Happiness is a byproduct of living a calm, stress-free life. Contentment hides in the boring days. This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my 20s.

It’s not about making a million dollars, becoming world-famous, or flooding your brain with dopamine. It’s about enjoying the little things. This is a skill you can learn — to find the good in normality.

If you live to be 82 years old, you’ll have about 30,000 days on this planet. No matter how you spin it, of those 30,000 days, some 28,000 will be boring.

You’ll go to work, feed the cat, meet a friend, and watch TV at night. That’s fine. This is everyday life. You just have to look for the good in it. The free cookie you get with your coffee. The rain setting in after you get home.

To me, every day when I’m not sick, stressed, or the victim of some drama I don’t control is a good day. The more days like that I can rack up, the better. I’ll find plenty of happiness along the way.

I suspect for you, a good life will look similar. Unfortunately, you can’t see it if you’re stuck in some marketer’s pipe dream. It’s a commonality all miserable people share: They miss the good in the present because they’re all-consumed by some invisible problem.

The truth is there are a million ways to be happy — most of them small to the point of being imperceptible — but only a handful of those giant, man-made problems.

Here are eight of them and how to not let them derail your every day.

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Reach High and Hope You Don’t Fall Cover

Reach High and Hope You Don’t Fall

Nik

Yesterday, I went bouldering for the first time. Finally, the source of many scrawny-kid jokes in high school turned into an advantage. I’m 5’7″. I weigh 136 lbs. I’m neither tall nor strong — but my power-to-weight ratio is excellent.

I can easily do 50 push-ups or pull myself up some ledge. As it turns out, this kind of balance is exactly what you need when you’re trying to go from one set of tiny knobs to the next on a six-foot slanted wall.

After some basic, first-level trials and picking up the rules, I managed to climb some second- and even third-level problems. That’s nothing compared to expert climbers gliding up the impossibly-flat-surface elements of a level 12 wall, but, for a beginner, it’s not half bad. Still, my arms got tired after about 90 minutes, and it was almost time to go. Almost.

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Diversification vs. Focus: The Hardest Tradeoff for Entrepreneurs Cover

Diversification vs. Focus: The Hardest Tradeoff for Entrepreneurs

Nik

The toughest, ongoing challenge I have as an entrepreneur is the debate in my head about what I should focus on.

Should I start another project? How much time, attention, and energy should I commit to X over Y over Z? Is it time to shut down one of my ventures, bundle my resources, and bet big on one thing? Or need I diversify more?

Besides being hard to answer for any given time frame, asking these questions is a project all on its own, a project that also takes time and energy, both of which could be spent on making actual progress at any one thing.

I don’t claim to have definitive answers, but I’ve learned a lot from my own decisions and mistakes in diversifying and focusing over the past five years. I made a long-term bet on a website that now generates a full-time income. I shut down my writing course after it made $20,000. Most of all, I think about what the word ‘balance’ means for an entrepreneur every day.

Below is a collection of my most formed ideas on the subject. I hope they’ll help you figure out when to quit and when to stick — no matter how many times you’ll have to do it.

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Tomorrow Can Be a Good Day Cover

Tomorrow Can Be a Good Day

Nik

The last note on Avicii’s phone reads: “Spread positivity through my music and message.”

Robin Williams once remarked that, “Comedy is acting out optimism.”

In his last speech to fans at a concert, Chester Bennington said: “The one thing that can’t be defeated is love.”

I’m a writer. Every day, I structure my thoughts and emotions. Each session is therapy. The articles are just the reports. I take the result of my self-treatment, package it how I think will be most helpful, and release it to the world.

I wish everyone could do this. I wish it’d work for anybody. Sadly, that’s not the case. For Robin, Chester, and Tim, one day, the therapy stopped working.

Even before I started typing, I’ve always held this one belief. I’ve known it for as long as I can remember, and I don’t have any other lens to view life through. It’s as simple as it is powerful, and I can describe it in one sentence:

Tomorrow can be a good day.

If I had to erase everything I’ve ever written, if I had to go through my archive, pick one idea, and decide that’s the only one I’ll leave behind, this would be it.

Tomorrow can be a good day.

I can’t tell you how desperately I want you to believe this. I wish I could hold your hands when you feel at your worst, look you in the eye, and say it:

“Tomorrow can be a good day.”

When I was six, I fell off my bike and tore my chin. We had to wait at the ER for hours. A guy was wheeled in on a stretcher. Motorcycle accident. I don’t know if he made it. But as I was licking on my ice cream, I wholeheartedly believed that — both for him and I — tomorrow could be a good day.

When I was 13, a girl broke my heart. Then again at 14. And 15. And 16. It happened again and again and again. Sometimes, I thought I’d die alone. That I’d never find a girlfriend. I cried over it. But I always believed that, no matter how sad the music I was playing, tomorrow could be a good day.

When I was 26, I lost faith in myself. I wasn’t sure if I could go on working so much. If I could complete both my degree and get my business off the ground. I was burned out, desperate, and didn’t see the point of it all. But I still believed that, even if it all went to hell, tomorrow could be a good day.

I know these are laughable stories. They’re nothing against rape, war, drug addiction, abuse, and depression. I don’t know what those feel like. I can only imagine, and I know imagination doesn’t quite cut it. But I think daring to imagine without having lived through it is exactly where my strength is.

If being free of life’s heaviest burdens allows me to spread positivity, act out optimism, and remind you that love can’t be defeated, then that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. The only thing I will do. The reason I was put on this earth.

Tomorrow can be a good day.

Writing it makes me tear up a little. I believe in it so much. I can’t tell you how it works. I can’t tell you where I got it from. I just know that, as long as you want me to, I will be here. Repeating it for you. Again and again and again.

When your boyfriend breaks up with you, I’ll tell you that tomorrow can be a good day. When your doctor says you need surgery, I’ll tell you that tomorrow can be a good day. When your boss fires you, your landlord kicks you out, and your dad won’t lend you 50 bucks, I’ll tell you: Tomorrow can be a good day.

Please keep going. Just a little. One more day. One more night. One more time. Sunshine is coming. No matter how dark it feels right now, the light is not far away. It might be right around the corner. Keep walking. Talking. Take one step at a time. One step is enough for today. And tomorrow?

Tomorrow can be a good day.

You Have an Identity Crisis Because You Think You Have Just One Cover

You Have an Identity Crisis Because You Think You Have Just One

Nik

In the late 90s, Jim Carrey was the most famous actor in the world — and also one of the best-paid.

He once pulled out a check on Jay Leno for $10 million for “acting services rendered” that he’d written himself four years earlier. Later, he told Oprah that he ended up making that exact amount just before the deadline in 1995. A little over a decade later, however, after Bruce Almighty and Yes Man (on which he made another, staggering $35 million), he sort of, just, went away.

Less acting, fewer crazy stunts, no more insane paychecks.

He showed up again in 2017, seeming very out of touch at a Red Carpet interview and then spotting a huge beard on Jimmy Kimmel. He’s easing back into the spotlight these days with appearances in Sonic and his own TV show, but still, wherever he pops up, he seems as happy and calm as he seems mysterious and aloof. He’ll go deep out of nowhere, tell an odd story, or remind us that “we don’t matter” while simultaneously talking about “the limitlessness of our souls.”

It all feels like something has happened to Jim Carrey in the time he was away. Of course, things have. But instead of dismissing him as another lost-cause actor, maybe, we can learn something from him. Maybe, we should let Jim Carrey happen to us.

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Restful Thinking Cover

Restful Thinking: 7 Lines to Calm Yourself in Tough Situations

Nik

Last week, the revenue of my website dropped 65%. It’s a train wreck. I have server costs, marketing costs, and a full-time partner to pay. After the initial shock, however, I quickly regained my composure.

I didn’t drop everything and frantically attack the problem, but I took time to gather my thoughts, and it allowed me to recollect myself fast. Then, I was able to brainstorm ideas, make adjustments, and even create fallback plans.

After losing thousands of dollars, I went from “Holy crap, my house is on fire!” to “This sucks, but I’ve got this!” — all in a single day.

Calm in the midst of chaos may look like a character trait, but it is a skill.

You can learn this skill, but it takes emotional labor to do so. In order to form this kind of unshakeable sense of quiet, I practice what I like to call “restful thinking.”

Restful thinking means getting yourself into a calmer, more capable state first.

Instead of giving in to your emotions or spinning in mental circles, you focus on certain thoughts over others so you can then resolve the situation more quickly and efficiently. You make sure you maintain your mental health, then deal with the problem from a point of rationality.

To reach this higher ground of calm and clear-headedness, I jump to certain thoughts in moments of crisis. Here are seven of them you can use to calm yourself down when the going gets tough.

Insomnia: “I can’t sleep, but I can still recover.”

I have spent many a sleepless night in my life. Some because the walls were thin, others because the people were loud, but most because I’m an overthinker who takes forever to fall asleep and not much to wake back up.

For years, I would lie in the dark, cursing all of the above, only getting angrier and grumpier by the minute — minutes I could have spent recovering. Sleep is important, and you should try to figure out how to consistently get the right amount, but there are other forms of recovery, and lying still is one of them.

Even when you can’t sleep, you can still rest. You can keep your eyes closed and steer your thoughts towards calming images. You can choose to not toss and turn, to not grab your phone, to resist the temptation to get up and eat or watch TV.

You won’t always get as much sleep as you want, but you can always try to make the hours you have as restful as possible.

Pressure: “I don’t need to think to exist.”

The most powerful lesson I’ve learned from meditation so far is that, sometimes, it’s okay to just exist. No need to act, move or even think.

It’s a humbling experience to let time pass without doing or thinking, but it also breeds a lot of compassion for yourself and others. Every minute that flies by teaches you that your physical presence in this world is enough.

We don’t consider this, do we? We constantly expect ourselves to be of service, to solve problems, to provide value to others. Those are important tendencies. They can lead to a lot of good in the world. But if we don’t turn them off once in a while, they amount to a crushing pressure to perform.

Forcing yourself to do nothing is a good way to practice humility and non-judgment. “I don’t need to think to exist” is a good reminder when expectations pile up.

Helplessness: “I don’t need the answer right now.”

I’m an entrepreneur. I have three main sources of income. Every week, it feels like one of them is on fire. Something always goes wrong. While sometimes the house does come crashing down, most of the time, it won’t. Eventually, things figure themselves out.

Whenever getting there feels extra stressful, it’s because I feel helpless. When I first discover the problem, I don’t know what to do — and then I panic about not knowing what to do. This second-order anxiety is often worse than whatever worries the original problem might cause if I dealt with it head-on, so I need to remind myself of what really matters — and on what timeline.

Okay, you scratched your car, but do you need to fix it instantly? You got fired, but you don’t need a new job tomorrow. You can’t explain the drop in website traffic, but, chances are, you won’t ever have to. You’ll just need new traffic — eventually.

Problems often feel more urgent than they actually are, especially the important ones. Give yourself time. You don’t need all the answers today. Trust yourself to find one later, and you’ll be calmer and more productive.

Doubt: “If this doesn’t work, what’s the next thing I can try?”

It’s hard to say what’s worse: Not having a solution or doubting the one you have. The way you deal with either is by coming up with fallbacks.

Even if you can’t solve your current challenge, you can still think about how you’d solve one that might follow, and that provides a sense of relief. Backups and fail-safes are like extra straps on a safety harness: Whether you’ll need them or not, it’s comforting to know they’re in place.

You don’t need to map out solutions to all kinds of post-apocalyptic scenarios in great detail. Just briefly consider the different avenues you could take if your existing plans don’t pan out. This way, you’ll have a new crossroads to start from after you hit rock bottom and will spend less time in the helplessness-stage.

Fear: “Who needs you to see this through?”

I’m human: Most of my goals are fueled by selfish motives. However, that doesn’t mean they’re the only motives, nor that they’ll be my strongest motivators.

I can’t think of the last time I wanted something that didn’t involve helping others to get there. This is a wonderful dynamic. It inspires you to become a better person for other people in order to get what you want.

You know that famous line, “If you want a billion dollars, help a billion people”? When you’re on a quest to help everyone you meet, you don’t really have time for fear and paralysis.

Every time you freeze, ask yourself who needs your help. Who depends on you to go on? Who needs you to be honest with them, to try that bold idea, to take the leap you’re scared to make?

Dream up a business for the money, but start it for your family. End the relationship for yourself, but have the break-up talk to set them free. Write because you have something to say, but hit publish because someone needs to hear it.

Emotional pain: “This feels bad, but I don’t have to react right now.”

One quality of emotionally mature people is that they don’t run away when others hurt their feelings. Instead, they sit with the discomfort.

It’s okay to have impulses, to want to scream, take revenge, or act out — but it’s also your responsibility to pause before acting on those impulses. When you wait until you can sort your feelings and assess them clearly, often, you’ll find you don’t need to react to them at all. You can just let go.

Even if you choose to respond, your response will be clearer, more thought out, less hurtful, and likely yield a much better reaction in whoever else is involved. Who knows? The other party might seek to make amends in the meantime.

Wait a day before you send the angry email. Don’t jump into a new project out of desperation. You can get hurt at any time, but you rarely have to counter immediately.

Impostor syndrome: “I love myself.”

It’s only human to spend a large chunk of your time feeling inadequate. Even though we’re one big community, we all feel out of place at times.

You might think you’re not talented or qualified enough to be friends with the professionals you hang out with. You may want to create, share, and be recognized for it but wonder, “Who am I to speak up?” Sometimes, impostor syndrome is as simple and nasty as a flash of, “I don’t deserve this person’s kindness, generosity, and love.”

Often, there is no rational counterargument to these feelings because they weren’t based in reality to begin with. Of course you’re good enough. Right now, you just can’t see it. That’s okay. I want you to say “I love myself” anyway.

You don’t even have to believe it. Not right now, at least. It’s one of those fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of things. Maybe the most important one. No matter how strong your doubts, it’s hard not to smile when you think you love yourself.

Find the courage to have that thought, and you just may find the smile is real.

If You’re Ambitious, Find a Hobby You Won’t Obsess About Cover

If You’re Ambitious, Find a Hobby You Won’t Obsess About

Nik

Peanutbeer. For most of 12th grade, I was in a heated competition with a guy named Peanutbeer. At least, that was his screen name on Xbox Live. His real name was Marc. He was the younger brother of one of my classmates.

Somehow, Peanutbeer and PandoraNiklas found themselves in a constant battle for Gamerscore supremacy. Who could beat the most games with the highest completion rate in the shortest period of time?

Each Xbox game offers up to 1,000 Gamerscore, points you get for beating the game on various difficulties and completing many, often hard-to-pull-off challenges. If you think video games are fun as they are, this extra layer of gamification will easily get you addicted. Besides optimizing each playthrough around garnering the most achievements, it also incentivizes you to try things in the game you otherwise wouldn’t have.

With Peanutbeer and me, it quickly became an 80/20 thing. We focused on getting the most bang for our buck, both literally and in terms of Gamerscore. We’d rent 2–3 games over the weekend (you didn’t have to pay for Sundays) and try to rack up as many points as possible. It was a blast.

By the time I graduated high school, I had amassed over 24,000 Gamerscore — the equivalent of beating 24 games to 100% completion. That’s nothing compared to world record holders with over two million points, but in our local Xbox community, no one came out ahead. No one, except Peanutbeer.

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6 Paradoxical Truths of Life

Nik

The first paradox I ever saw was Waterfall by M. C. Escher.

Examples of Paradoxes Cover
Image via Facebook

How does a four-year-old come across a perpetual motion illusion by an artist who died 20 years before he was born? Well, it hung in our hallway. Not the original, of course. The copy provided enough staring material for hours.

How does that work? Why does the water flow up and down at the same time? How fast must the wheel spin to make it all go round? Most importantly, why aren’t they staring? The people in this painting have no care in the world. To them, this magnificent delusion barely exists.

When you first encounter a paradox, your brain goes on the fritz. Which version is true? Why don’t they add up? And why do they feel like, somehow, they still kind of do? It’s easy to get stuck on this part. To obsess and try to cram the contradiction into a box labeled ‘consistent’ in your mind.

If you don’t however, eventually, something wonderful happens: Your brain turns off. It stops trying. Suddenly, you can, somehow, accept the idea at face value and, instead of dissecting it, appreciate its beauty.

If you’ve ever felt this way, if you’ve ever been mesmerized by something you could not understand, then you’ve witnessed not just the beauty of paradox but, actually, the essence of life: It’s a mystery, but it’s marvelous.

Just because we can’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s not there by design. This applies to the mechanical parts of your coffee machine as much as it applies to a breakup, a car accident, or, well, this painting. All of it was designed just for you, just for this moment. You might not “get it” at the time, but, later, you most likely will. “You can only connect the dots looking backwards,” Steve Jobs once said.

Deep in our subconscious, we know this, and that’s why our brains allow us to eventually gloss over the details and focus on learning, enjoying, and finding the positives. Yes. This is the paradox we need right now. If we accept it, it’ll give us peace of mind, a sense of ease, and freedom from worry.

If we appreciate it even, it’ll open a door to a new perspective: Maybe, both versions are true. What if the paradox combines two ends of the same spectrum? And what if we can stand on that spectrum and re-balance as needed? Might what looks like a flaw actually be an advantage?

Open your mind. Let the paradox in. Appreciate its beauty and accept its truth. It’ll prove useful time and again. It’ll prove to be part of the design.

Here are six of my favorite examples of paradoxes that can make your life a lot easier.

1. You didn’t come this far to only come this far

Dean Karnazes ran 50 marathons in 50 states on 50 consecutive days. Imagine being on day 49 of such a feat. “I can’t run another marathon. I just can’t.” Yes. But then, he did.

I’m sure there was more than one mile Dean hated. On the 30th marathon. On the 10th. Even on the first. But each time, whether it was mile two in race one or mile 17 in race 43, he remembered: You didn’t come this far to only come this far.

When you have trouble starting, remember how you got to the starting line. When you have trouble finishing, remember how you got close to the goal.

No matter how far you’ve come, no matter how daunting the obstacle ahead, there’s always a little more to go. This isn’t sad. It’s life — and simply a reminder of all the great things that lie behind you already — even if, sometimes, these great things consist of small steps.

2. Wherever you go, there you are

While life is a never-ending journey and we should always move on and strive forward, it pays well to stop sometimes and look around. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Heeding Ferriss Bueller’s advice lets us take a breath, enjoy the scenery, and celebrate our accomplishments. It also affords us a chance to look at the path that brought us here. We didn’t take all turns deliberately, and not all deliberate turns take us where we want to go. Yet here we are. This is it.

Why did you send that careless email? How come you stayed in this city? Why did you tell her your embarrassing story? Maybe you know, maybe you don’t. But it led you right here. To joblessness. To friendship. Into love. And that’s all that matters.

3. The easiest way to getting what you want is learning to want less

Once you’ve arrived, the best way to be present is to not look too far ahead. You’ll hit your next obstacle soon enough. That’s a time for forward-thinking.

For now, again, look around you. Look at what you have. Isn’t that enough? Slowing down today makes tomorrow feel like we lived more yesterday. Like we had it yesterday. Enough. And if we start from enough, today is a gift.

“Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want,” Naval says. Wanting is powerful. It makes you do things. Doing without wanting is joyful. It makes you love things. You choose.

4. You can’t *change* the people around you, but you can change the *people* around you

How many of the people you’ve met made you think, “I wish they’d never change?” That’s rare. Wishing for others to be different is the norm.

Of course, most people don’t change quickly, easily, or at all, let alone according to your wishes or because of anything you did, and so, eventually, you’ll leave most of them behind. That’s okay. It’s necessary. But when you find someone who makes it easy to stay, think long and hard before you leave.

How many true friends do you need to be happy? Five? Three? One? It’s easy to wander through life, hopping from circle to circle, always meeting people, always hoping for better but never quite connecting.

What if we stuck with those to whom we feel connected already? Let’s leave behind who we must leave behind but cherish the people we never want to change.

5. Don’t try to find people you’re willing to be with — be willing to try with the people you find

As little as you can do to change others, as much there is to be done inside yourself. Meeting the people who fit into your life like perfect puzzle pieces takes inner work — especially in love.

Bring out the best in yourself, then let those parts act like feelers, just waiting to register a signal from someone else. In the meantime, the strongest signal you can send is showing up.

Don’t wait for someone to open your eyes, mind, and heart. Choose to go through life this way. Hand out trust advances. Be willing to try, and you’ll be surprised how many people will extend you the same courtesy.

6. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others

If our lives didn’t end, they’d be meaningless. That’s another example of a paradox. Maybe the biggest. Most of us want to spend this limited time in the most meaningful way, and that usually means taking care of others.

Whether it’s being a mom, a great husband, a kindergarten teacher, a writer educating readers, a coach helping entrepreneurs, at the end of the day, life revolves around people. One of the hardest commitments to make is to hit pause on that carousel, step back, and take care of yourself. It’s also one of the most important.

The only way to bring the most and best of your time and energy to the grand human table is to ensure you have time and energy to spare. It’s not egoistic to put yourself first. It’s generous.

The guy gazing at the sky. The lady hanging her laundry. The reason the people in Escher’s painting don’t care about the waterfall is that they’ve accepted it. They rest easy. They don’t mind the inconsistency.

Paradoxes can seem like they’re here to make our lives harder. Little puzzles to keep our heads banging against the wall. They’re not. Paradoxes give us more options for truth because the truth always has more than one version.

Pulling from opposite ends of different spectrums lets us navigate even the most challenging situations with relative ease. Ironically, we can’t see this when we try to explain everything away.

To live life is to live inconsistently. To love life is to love inconsistency.

So smile at contradictions. Grin wide as you take on their challenge. Appreciate the beauty in life’s many little discrepancies.

It may take you a while to see it, but once you do, you might even think life’s better when the water flows both ways.