Category: Mindfulness

Death Is What Gives Life Meaning Cover

The Biggest Paradox in Life

Nik

In Marvel’s Dr. Strange, there is a scene where he and his mentor are standing at a window, looking out on a titanic thunderstorm.

The Ancient One, who’s lived for hundreds of years, gives Dr. Strange a piece of advice for the final challenge he must face.

Dr. Strange: I’m not ready.

The Ancient One: No one ever is. We don’t get to choose our time. Death is what gives life meaning. To know your days are numbered; your time is short.

Almost a year after seeing the film, I still remember this scene most vividly.

The only reason our lives have meaning is that they end.

From the moment we’re born, we’re thrown on to an unstoppable curve of momentum, slingshotting towards the only definite event in life: death.

Think about it. Everything that makes life great is fleeting.

  • Your ice cream tastes so good because it’s about to melt.
  • Time with your partner is precious because you can kiss them only a finite number of times.
  • Your grand mission to change the world is urgent because you don’t know how long you have to accomplish it.

Every single experience that makes our time here worthwhile goes back to that time being over soon. No one wants to live forever once they’ve lived long enough. And yet dying is what we’re most afraid of.

It’s the biggest paradox in life.

The next time your ice cream falls on the floor, your heart is broken or you have to let go of a dream, remember this:

Death is what gives life meaning. We don’t get to choose our time.

But each second passed is a second that made it more precious. No matter how you spent it.

The Painful Truth About Art Cover

The Painful Truth About Art

Nik

On July 20th, 2017, Chester Bennington died by suicide. He was 41 years old. You may not know who Chester is, but you might recognize this picture:

It’s a bit old, here’s a more recent one with his friend Mike:

He was my friend too. Chester wasn’t the kind of friend you could call on a Thursday and grab a coffee with. No, he wasn’t like that.

But whenever you needed him, Chester would sing for you.

When I was 13, I was angry a lot. I was angry at my parents, angry at my friends, but mostly angry at myself for not knowing who I was.

I think that’s normal. I think all 13-year old boys are angry. When he sang, Chester was angry a lot too. You could hear it in his voice. And somehow, every time he was done singing, I didn’t feel so angry any more.

My friends from school were angry a lot too. Andy and Flo and Nils and Max. Whenever we’d saved some money, we’d go to the store and buy some of Chester’s CDs. I even remember the plastic bag I carried them around in.

If you still have CDs somewhere, maybe you have some of Chester’s CDs too.

A lot of people have the top left one. Chester’s band has sold more records than any other band in this century. They just released a new album and were supposed to go on world tour next week.

Today I realized that a lot of the greatest art we have the privilege to feel, breathe and live comes from a dark place.

Sometimes, the artist doesn’t make it back from that place. For more than half of my life, Chester went there so I and millions of other people wouldn’t have to.

Only this time, he didn’t find his way home.

I wish I could have just told him he didn’t have to go there any more. That it’s okay if he wanted to stay home a little longer. But that’s not how the world works.

Another great artist recently said you die twice:

“Once when they bury you in the grave and the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name.”

I hope that’s true.

I’ll tell my children about Chester. I’ll ask him to sing for them when they’re angry. Maybe they’ll tell their children too and he won’t really die for a long time.

But today my friend Chester stopped singing and that made me sad.

My Uncle Died in His Sleep, and It Changed Me Forever

Nik

On January 21st, 2016, my uncle Martin did something that changed me forever. At 7 AM, he woke up, walked to the bathroom, went to the toilet and then back to sleep.

He never woke up again. At 52 years old, he died peacefully in his sleep. No pain, no heart problems detected. He had lost 60 lbs the year before and was in better shape than ever.

Seneca said that “life is long, if you know how to use it.” But sometimes life truly is short. Not everyone gets the time they may deserve.

Since I didn’t know how to deal with his death, I did what I always do to process things: I wrote.

One of the saddest things in life is that often, it takes a tragedy to pierce our clouded vision. In his case, I could only now see stark and clear two powerful lessons from how he lived his life:

1. Stop doing shit you don’t like.

Just two days before, he sat in our kitchen and had his cappuccino, like always.

Carnival season was coming up and his in-laws (my Mom’s parents and sister) are huge carnival nerds. My grandpa founded the local club so all year round, they plan and prepare for carnival week.

It just wasn’t Martin’s thing. He hated the dressing up, the music, the corny jokes. So he wouldn’t have any of it and that was okay.

2. Spend time with family and friends, because you never know how much you’re gonna get.

What quitting things you don’t like or just feel obligated to allows you to do is to focus on what really matters.

So while the rest of the family was carnivaling all over the place, Martin was content to stay at home, relax, build a play house for my cousin or a new fireplace to have BBQs at, since he was a carpenter.

Screw tending to C-class relationships or that one, half-related aunt of yours who only complains and tells you to “get a real job” every time you see her anyways.

When you think about the people you call family and friends, who really feels like family? Who really feels like a friend?

Only if you cut out 90% of the people that don’t matter can you show the 10% that do the love they deserve.

Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. 

— Michael J. Fox

Mom, Dad, Sis & Me at her graduation. ❤️

Two songs were played at my uncle’s funeral, one he would’ve picked and one my cousin selected.

The first song was Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.” You couldn’t find a better song to highlight the first lesson if you tried.

I’ve lived a life that’s full
I’ve traveled each and every highway
But more, much more than this
I did it my way

The second song played as we all walked to the grave and said our last goodbye. “See You Again” from The Fast & The Furious. As if I needed another reason to cry next to Paul Walker driving off into the sunset.

From the official music video

Just like Paul, my uncle didn’t get the 70, 80, 90 years most of us nowadays take for granted. But just like the Fast & Furious movies, Martin’s life was all about family. Real family.

How can we not talk about family when family’s all that we got?
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side
And now you gon’ be with me for the last ride

Every time I listen to one of those two songs now, it stings a bit inside. But after the sting, a rush of gratitude floods my heart. It’s a constant reminder.

“Life is short Nik. Use it well. Don’t do shit you don’t like. Be with family. You never know how much you’re gonna get.”

That’s what I learned from my uncle and it’s changed me forever.

One Thing You Can Learn in 2 Minutes That Will Be Useful for the Rest of Your Life

Nik

In 430 BC, the second year of the Peloponnesian War, Greek general Pericles led a fleet of over 100 ships towards the enemy island.

Charge!

As they were charging ahead at full speed, suddenly, a solar eclipse cast the entire fleet into darkness.

They weren’t as well-explained back then, you know?

Unaware of the scientific nature of this unexpected and shocking event, panic befell the soldiers and sailors. But not Pericles.

Read More
Toxic Habits Cover

7 Toxic Habits to Let Go Before 9 AM

Nik

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” — Buddha

When you wake up, does your brain go straight into overdrive? Do you feel tempted to snooze? Do you think about all the things you have to do today and start worrying about what could go wrong?

Not long ago, I didn’t want to leave my bed either. I’d browse the web on my phone, read some emails, and procrastinate. Often, this meant I’d already be late by the time I finally did get up. I would rush into the shower, get angry about stubbing my toe somewhere, and end up with no time to eat.

When I arrived at work for my internship, I was already feeling behind, so the best I could do was spend the rest of my day trying to “catch up.” That’s not the frame of mind you want to operate in.

Now, however, I know exactly what the first hour of my day looks like. I don’t even have to think about it because it’s a set routine, and that’s wonderful. My internship is over, and so are my chaotic morning — because I made a deliberate change.

My morning routine makes starting the day easy, and it sets me up for success. There’s no perfect day, but if you’re prepared to have a good day — every day — that’s a great place to start. How you spend the first hour of your day determines how you spend the rest of it.

Before you can add new, good habits, however, you must let go of the bad ones. Here are seven toxic habits you can drop. Don’t bother with these, especially not before 9 AM. Doing so will make you feel calm and happy as you start your day.

1. Let Go of Hitting the Snooze Button

Hitting the snooze button in the morning feels great at first. You know you still have time and drift back to sleep.

But when your alarm rings again 7, 9 or 15 minutes later you were actually just about to enter a deep sleep phase. That means the snooze button interrupts your sleep at the worst time, making you feel more groggy and tired as you were before.

What’s more, every time you hit the snooze button you tell yourself subconsciously: “I don’t really want to get up. I want to stay in bed. I don’t want to start this day and face what lies ahead.” That’s not a very good mantra.

Even when you have to get up with an alarm, as soon as you wake up, rise and shine! Be excited for the day, get up, have a glass of water, start moving around.

Brush your teeth, read, do something that makes you excited about getting up.

Don’t drag yourself from snooze to snooze, as it will make you drag yourself through the rest of the day as well.

You snooze, you lose!

2. Let Go of Overthinking

This is what I call “monkey mind”. I still fall for this from time to time.

Right upon waking up I start thinking. And I think a lot. My brain starts racing down a never-ending train of thoughts.

“Okay, let me check what time it is. 6:07. That’s good. I can start work right at 7:00. What will I start with? Oh yeah, that guest post I want to write for Marc and Angel. I’ll spend 30 minutes on that. Then I’ll do some client work. But what do I eat for breakfast? This cereal I bought yesterday? Or the one I have leftover. Damn, I don’t have any milk!”

That’s what the first 30 seconds of my day can look like. Terrible, right?

So be sure to practice a form of conscious silence in the morning. Lie in bed, close your eyes once more before you get up and just feel everything. The blanket on your skin. Your head resting on the pillow.

You can also do a short meditation by just sitting upright and cross-legged on the floor and focusing on your breath for one minute.

Notice the rhythm of your breathing as you inhale and exhale.

What also helps me is standing under the shower, just letting the water run over my head and only listen to the sounds of the water.

Don’t go from zero to overdrive right upon waking up. Practice a little bit of silence for your mind and you’ll feel much calmer for the entire day.

3. Let Go of Consuming Bad Things

We all draw a line when it comes to consuming toxic food, drinks and drugs. For some the line is marijuana, for others it’s alcohol, others draw it at coffee, or even soda and fast food.

Wherever you’ve drawn your line before, chances are you need to draw it again. Because what is true for food is also true for thoughts.

You can spend your mornings watching the news and Youtube videos, reading gossip, chatting in WhatsApp groups and reading the obituary section of the newspaper.

Or you can read a book that will help you create a better life, let yourself be inspired by classic poetry or a good novel.

You can eat pancakes with bacon for breakfast. Or you can have oatmeal with an apple and cinnamon.

You can drink lemonade from the store or brew your own coffee fresh from home ground beans.

What comes out of your mouth and brain in terms of speech and thought can only be as good as what you put into it in terms of food and knowledge.

Take a stand. Draw a line and make a choice to only consume what’s good for you in the morning.

4. Let Go of Negative Self-talk

Remember that hitting the snooze button is like subconsciously telling yourself you don’t want to wake up? I’m willing to bet you also do this on a much more conscious level.

You worry about what the day will bring. You tell yourself you might not have what it takes to deal with the day’s challenges.

“Will Joe approve my presentation?”

“Can I get all my housekeeping done?”

“I’m not sure I can make that call today.”

Instead of already talking yourself into failure, why not boost your confidence? Create a small set of affirmation that you can tell yourself. It can be as short as one sentence:

“I will do great today.”

“I will give my best to make this day successful.”

“I believe in myself.”

Before you brush your teeth, stand in the mirror, look yourself in the eye and tell yourself something encouraging.

Be your own Dad, your own Mum, your own partner, your own friend and do what all these would do: motivate you by telling you that you can do it.

A tiny adjustment that can change the entire trajectory of your day.

5. Let Go of Getting Angry at Little Mistakes

Yes, not all mornings will go smoothly. Sometimes you will have to rush, get stuck in traffic, or hit your elbow on the door.

But don’t start yelling. Every day the world throws many opportunities at you to get angry — and many of them deserve your anger.

The little hiccups in the morning are not one of them. Don’t focus on what goes wrong, focus on what you do great.

The 5 pushups you did. The glass of water you drank. That smoothie you made for yourself. The way you motivated yourself by saying something positive. A chapter in a book you read that made you feel inspired.

Remember that silence in the morning is important to make you feel emotionally calm. So when you hit a bump in your early morning road, take a deep breath, remember all the good things about your morning and move on.

6. Let Go of Rushing

There is a Japanese proverb that goes like this:

“When you are in a hurry go slowly.”

It means that it is especially important to take enough time to do things right when they are urgent.

A classic game played at kids’ birthdays is balancing an egg on a tablespoon while walking from one end of the room to the other.

Who wins that game?

The kid who tries to walk very fast, but eventually drops the egg and has to go back to the start multiple times (or breaks the egg altogether), or the kid who just walks very slowly, but reaches the finish line in one go?

The more you rush the more mistakes will happen. Slow down, do everything once, but do it right.

The best idea is to give yourself plenty of time in the morning. I usually give myself an hour to an hour and a half before I get started on work.

Yes, that means waking up earlier, but the time is spent so well it is absolutely worth it.

You’ll have time to visualize the tasks of your day. For example, just picturing yourself typing when you want to write a novel has been scientifically proven to make it more likely you’ll actually start writing (and enjoy the process!).

A journal is also a great way to spend the extra time and get some structure. I usually write into my one-sentence-journal before I start work.

I just answer one question: “How do you feel right now?”

It helps me make sure I’m ready to go and don’t start when I don’t feel good.

So even when you don’t have much time in the morning. Don’t. Rush.

As famous basketball coach John Wooden said:

“If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?”

7. Let Go of Your Comfort Zone

Imagine a typical morning of the average person:

Waking up in a bed with a comfortable mattress and a warm blanket, artificial light on the nightstand, waiting till the last minute, then jumping into a warm, hot shower.

Afterward a quick pre-processed meal for breakfast while watching a video on a smartphone, before they’re off to the next comfortable, modern amenity: their car. With air conditioning, radio and a seat warmer.

All of these modern conveniences are great, but they have detached us from what’s natural.

Our ancestors woke up outside, on the ground, with the rise of the sun. The first thing they saw in the morning was sunlight. The first thing they heard was the sound of the birds.

There was no rush. They got up, started moving around, stretching.

If it was cold, they would move more, if it was warm a little less. They ate what they had gathered the day before or had to go look for food.

If your day often feels challenging, that might lie in you not challenging yourself at all. We’re not used to being challenged.

We’re not responsible for creating our own food, furniture, gadgets, and hot water. We don’t even have to move if we don’t want to!

Which is why exercise is a great start.

Give up a little of the comfort you indulge yourself in every morning.

When you get up, do some exercise. Do a set of pushups. Try some squats. Do pull-ups on your door. Go outside and run around the block, or at least walk. Get up, get moving, get some blood flowing.

Prepare yourself a meal that takes effort, but is healthy. Just sit and eat in silence, without technology to distract you.

Open a window, let in the fresh air, listen to the birds and the hum of the city as it starts to wake.

Walk to work. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Have a cold shower.

Let go of huddling up inside your comfort zone. Challenge yourself. Just a little bit. Every morning.

It will leave you prepared for what the world throws at you during the rest of the day.

Final Words

The morning is the greatest time of the day. There are so many opportunities to set yourself up for success.

But a beautiful morning doesn’t happen by accident. You have to work for it. You have to create it.

Try to let go of one of these toxic habits today. Then another one. And another one.

Soon, you’ll have plenty of space to create a magical morning routine.